Sort of anyway. Unlike bubble-wrap however they don't really do anything to reduce stress...especially if you're a nature lover and really not the sort of person who enjoys driving over the suicidal fuckers with a car.
You have got to wonder what goes through the mind of a frog just before they get hit (besides a Michelin steel-belted radial in 175-80-R13). Seriously! These little idjits hop into the road, stop and turn to look at the massively huge chunk of steel rumbling towards them as it's barreling down on them at 55MPH.
Are they so damn depressed that they look at the approaching headlights and think to themselves "Oh sweet metallic angel of merciful death, remove me from this life that no longer holds any joy for me. Enshroud me within your sweet embrace of rubber, tarmac, and death and spread my lifeless body across half a mile of county road."
I must have hit at least 30 of the little bastards, each with that little 'pop' that tells you that you indeed got him.
Damn but they're some stupid fuckers.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
This was a really bad day.
There is no single word in the English Language that can convey what I am feeling. Anger? Pissed? Disgust? Loathing? Murderous rage?
Lump them together and you come close, but there is no one word for how I'm feeling right now.
To start my "lovely" day, we have to go back to this morning which is in fact the end of my previous day. For those who don't know me, I work Midnight to 8:30am so my "day" ends when I go to bed after work and starts when I wake up.
This past morning, I was called by one of the staff where I work with an issue. Her computer couldn't log in because it could not see the domain. 19 times out of 20, this is because everyone is trying to log on at 7am all about at the same time. 400 computers trying to log on at the same time and someone is going to get bumped. Sadly, Windows XP is too stupid to realize that just because when it got to the log-in screen there was no response from the overworked Domain Controller, it might let you on if you tried again.
Nope, It'll just sit there with it's virtual thumb in it's virtual ass. There are three ways to fix this.
1.) You log on to the computer locally (bypassing the domain) and once it sees that there IS a network out there, log off and logonto the domain as normal. This isn't an option for the end user as we only have an administrator account on the machines locally and there is no way in hell they're getting that password.
2.) Unplug the network cable and plug it in. This causes Windows to think "Oh Wow! There's no network!" followed by "Oh Wow! There IS a network!" and it'll try to contact it. Again this isn't an option for the end user as many of them are techno-phobic at best and at worst shouldn't be allowed near anything more complicated than a flashlight (and even that is a stretch for them). Even the ones who ARE tech-savvy would have a hard time since the computers are nestled out of the way and would involve a contortionist to get at. This leave us with...
3.) Reboot the computer. Simple, Easy, and 19 times out of 20 fixes the issue as the odds are in your favor that by the time you've done all of that, the other 400+ computers in the facility have logged on and there is more slots in the queue to get in.
I like #3. It usually means that I don't have leave my office to help them. I can just explain what the problem and why #3 will fix the problem. I also follow it up with "If it still doesn't work I'll come right over and see what's wrong in case it's that magical once time out of 20 where there is a real problem.
In this case I was trying to do a quick rebuild on a computer that went completely tits-up on us. Something that has a higher priority than getting off my duff to go and reboot someones computer for them. So I tell this person #3 and let them do it, telling them to call if there is a continuing problem. Her response was "You ARE going to answer the phone if I call?"
What...The...Fuck?
You did not just ask me that. Ok, I know that you are the least liked person in our facility by the IT department. I know that you are the most technologically inept person in the facility. I know that the rest of the department will put you off until they have to deal with you.
BUT I AM NOT THE REST OF THE IT DEPARTMENT!
In the past year and a quarter I've been working here, have I EVER not responded to your calls. Have I ever pushed you off till later? Haven't I always come to your rescue to resolve whatever your issue with the computer might be? When something out of my scope of my ability to correct occurred, have I not managed to find a solution so you could do your job even if it wasn't the most elegant one? Haven't I earned some respect for what I have done for you in the past 16 months?
Bitch! I am a professional. My personal feelings towards someone in no way reflects how I deal with them in the work environment. You may be a pain in the ass (and you REALLY can be) but when I am on the clock you are a member of this facility and have an important function that can't be done if your computer is dead. If you're not working then I have failed at my job.
I do NOT fail at my job. You have insulted me mightily and I am unhappy about that.
But that is the least of my problems. The second straw came when my computer went tits-up this past weekend. I fixed it without any major problems. When I went to install Thunderbird. I didn't realize that t-bird 3 was out. I also didn't realize that it was going to delete every piece of mail in the gmail servers. I didn't realize that it was going to decide that since the mail was older than 24 hours that I must not really want it.
5 fucking years of mail that I frequently refer back to are gone and there is not a goddamn thing I can do about it.
But that still wasn't the real kicker. This is the doozy. You might want to get up, stretch the legs, hit the bathroom, get a soda...this is going to be a bit of a tale.
Back? Good.
This past Christmas we decided that we were going to give the gilt of awesome to our kids. One massively fun present. We bought them one year, two park passes to Busch Gardens. Sounds expensive? Sure, if we had bought them outright it would have been. However Busch Gardens has ezpay. Meaning that for $12 per month per pass ($48 a month for the four of us) we can enjoy Busch Gardens whenever we wanted for only the cost of a tank of gas and lunch.
Good plan right?
We even used them ourselves. First my wife and I bought the passes and went to Howl-o-Scream (halloween event) and had fun. Went a second time in fact. Had a blast. Then we took the kids on Christmas for the Christmas event. That's when we gave them their passes.
And were we a hit. Were were the pinnacle of awesome.
Our oldest managed to convince his friend to get a pass of his own and since they both now drive (or very soon will be) they can go together whenever they can put the scratch together for a tank of gas and lunch. This was a good plan.
Was being the operative word.
So here we are, BG is opening for a limited run for Spring Break. We go to make sure we're up-to-date on our payments (we were one payment behind...I'll admit) and we're notified that thanks to the Credit Card Protection act of 2009 signed into law and put into practice this past February, that we can't use our pre-paid card anymore for a reoccurring charge.
"Ok, fine...what about all the money we've paid thus far?"
"I can issue a credit if you transfer to a "real" credit card."
(Now mind you that when asked what a "real" card meant, we were given a list of what was acceptable. I won't bore you with details but basically it has to be a card that was pulled out of the ass of a CEO of a major bank and personally ejaculated upon by Alan Greenspan.)
"Well what about we pay the balance off on the card?"
"Nope! Because it was set up as an ezpay plan, you can't do that."
"Well when were you going to let people know about this?"
"We're going to send out an e-mail before the parks opens"
"But the park opens next week."
"Nope, that's a special opening just for Spring Break. Everyone will be notified before the park opens for real."
Now how many people are going to go there, expecting to use their passes only to be stopped at the gate and cheerfully told to "fuck off"? How many people are going to budget a vacation based off of the fact that they have to only pack enough money to cover gas, food and lodgings because they don't have to pay the $65 per person per day to enjoy the park...only to be royally disappointed?
So now we have to buy a new season pass (at full price since they're not going to refund a goddamn thing) for the oldest and use that pass to get discounted day passes for my wife and youngest. Then get a season pass for the youngest. Then get a pair for us since the youngest can't get there on his own (13 years old) and has no friends with season passes of their own.
AND all of this happening 5 days before the big spring-break trip.
Thanks so very fucking much Douche Gardens, thanks a lot.
You know...I think I'm going to forever more refer to them as Douche Gardens. You know why? Here's the sting. I read over that bill before posting this. I'll be jiggered if I can find any reference to the whole "You can't use a gift or pre-paid card for a reoccurring charge". I found something for a debit card that is attached to a bank account (enacted so people can't be slammed when some twit of a service hits you 30 times in a week trying to get money and racking up $30 per attempt overdraft charges.
I can understand that. But a gift or pre-paid card doesn't have that problem. Once the money is gone, that's it. Until the card is reloaded, there ARE NO overdraft charges.
This was just Douche Gardens' way of making sure that they don't have to do more than they have to. Either have a Alan Greenspan Semen coated credit card with Bill Gates' limit on it, or pay in full. Otherwise fuck off.
Lovely.
Lump them together and you come close, but there is no one word for how I'm feeling right now.
To start my "lovely" day, we have to go back to this morning which is in fact the end of my previous day. For those who don't know me, I work Midnight to 8:30am so my "day" ends when I go to bed after work and starts when I wake up.
This past morning, I was called by one of the staff where I work with an issue. Her computer couldn't log in because it could not see the domain. 19 times out of 20, this is because everyone is trying to log on at 7am all about at the same time. 400 computers trying to log on at the same time and someone is going to get bumped. Sadly, Windows XP is too stupid to realize that just because when it got to the log-in screen there was no response from the overworked Domain Controller, it might let you on if you tried again.
Nope, It'll just sit there with it's virtual thumb in it's virtual ass. There are three ways to fix this.
1.) You log on to the computer locally (bypassing the domain) and once it sees that there IS a network out there, log off and logonto the domain as normal. This isn't an option for the end user as we only have an administrator account on the machines locally and there is no way in hell they're getting that password.
2.) Unplug the network cable and plug it in. This causes Windows to think "Oh Wow! There's no network!" followed by "Oh Wow! There IS a network!" and it'll try to contact it. Again this isn't an option for the end user as many of them are techno-phobic at best and at worst shouldn't be allowed near anything more complicated than a flashlight (and even that is a stretch for them). Even the ones who ARE tech-savvy would have a hard time since the computers are nestled out of the way and would involve a contortionist to get at. This leave us with...
3.) Reboot the computer. Simple, Easy, and 19 times out of 20 fixes the issue as the odds are in your favor that by the time you've done all of that, the other 400+ computers in the facility have logged on and there is more slots in the queue to get in.
I like #3. It usually means that I don't have leave my office to help them. I can just explain what the problem and why #3 will fix the problem. I also follow it up with "If it still doesn't work I'll come right over and see what's wrong in case it's that magical once time out of 20 where there is a real problem.
In this case I was trying to do a quick rebuild on a computer that went completely tits-up on us. Something that has a higher priority than getting off my duff to go and reboot someones computer for them. So I tell this person #3 and let them do it, telling them to call if there is a continuing problem. Her response was "You ARE going to answer the phone if I call?"
What...The...Fuck?
You did not just ask me that. Ok, I know that you are the least liked person in our facility by the IT department. I know that you are the most technologically inept person in the facility. I know that the rest of the department will put you off until they have to deal with you.
BUT I AM NOT THE REST OF THE IT DEPARTMENT!
In the past year and a quarter I've been working here, have I EVER not responded to your calls. Have I ever pushed you off till later? Haven't I always come to your rescue to resolve whatever your issue with the computer might be? When something out of my scope of my ability to correct occurred, have I not managed to find a solution so you could do your job even if it wasn't the most elegant one? Haven't I earned some respect for what I have done for you in the past 16 months?
Bitch! I am a professional. My personal feelings towards someone in no way reflects how I deal with them in the work environment. You may be a pain in the ass (and you REALLY can be) but when I am on the clock you are a member of this facility and have an important function that can't be done if your computer is dead. If you're not working then I have failed at my job.
I do NOT fail at my job. You have insulted me mightily and I am unhappy about that.
But that is the least of my problems. The second straw came when my computer went tits-up this past weekend. I fixed it without any major problems. When I went to install Thunderbird. I didn't realize that t-bird 3 was out. I also didn't realize that it was going to delete every piece of mail in the gmail servers. I didn't realize that it was going to decide that since the mail was older than 24 hours that I must not really want it.
5 fucking years of mail that I frequently refer back to are gone and there is not a goddamn thing I can do about it.
But that still wasn't the real kicker. This is the doozy. You might want to get up, stretch the legs, hit the bathroom, get a soda...this is going to be a bit of a tale.
Back? Good.
This past Christmas we decided that we were going to give the gilt of awesome to our kids. One massively fun present. We bought them one year, two park passes to Busch Gardens. Sounds expensive? Sure, if we had bought them outright it would have been. However Busch Gardens has ezpay. Meaning that for $12 per month per pass ($48 a month for the four of us) we can enjoy Busch Gardens whenever we wanted for only the cost of a tank of gas and lunch.
Good plan right?
We even used them ourselves. First my wife and I bought the passes and went to Howl-o-Scream (halloween event) and had fun. Went a second time in fact. Had a blast. Then we took the kids on Christmas for the Christmas event. That's when we gave them their passes.
And were we a hit. Were were the pinnacle of awesome.
Our oldest managed to convince his friend to get a pass of his own and since they both now drive (or very soon will be) they can go together whenever they can put the scratch together for a tank of gas and lunch. This was a good plan.
Was being the operative word.
So here we are, BG is opening for a limited run for Spring Break. We go to make sure we're up-to-date on our payments (we were one payment behind...I'll admit) and we're notified that thanks to the Credit Card Protection act of 2009 signed into law and put into practice this past February, that we can't use our pre-paid card anymore for a reoccurring charge.
"Ok, fine...what about all the money we've paid thus far?"
"I can issue a credit if you transfer to a "real" credit card."
(Now mind you that when asked what a "real" card meant, we were given a list of what was acceptable. I won't bore you with details but basically it has to be a card that was pulled out of the ass of a CEO of a major bank and personally ejaculated upon by Alan Greenspan.)
"Well what about we pay the balance off on the card?"
"Nope! Because it was set up as an ezpay plan, you can't do that."
"Well when were you going to let people know about this?"
"We're going to send out an e-mail before the parks opens"
"But the park opens next week."
"Nope, that's a special opening just for Spring Break. Everyone will be notified before the park opens for real."
Now how many people are going to go there, expecting to use their passes only to be stopped at the gate and cheerfully told to "fuck off"? How many people are going to budget a vacation based off of the fact that they have to only pack enough money to cover gas, food and lodgings because they don't have to pay the $65 per person per day to enjoy the park...only to be royally disappointed?
So now we have to buy a new season pass (at full price since they're not going to refund a goddamn thing) for the oldest and use that pass to get discounted day passes for my wife and youngest. Then get a season pass for the youngest. Then get a pair for us since the youngest can't get there on his own (13 years old) and has no friends with season passes of their own.
AND all of this happening 5 days before the big spring-break trip.
Thanks so very fucking much Douche Gardens, thanks a lot.
You know...I think I'm going to forever more refer to them as Douche Gardens. You know why? Here's the sting. I read over that bill before posting this. I'll be jiggered if I can find any reference to the whole "You can't use a gift or pre-paid card for a reoccurring charge". I found something for a debit card that is attached to a bank account (enacted so people can't be slammed when some twit of a service hits you 30 times in a week trying to get money and racking up $30 per attempt overdraft charges.
I can understand that. But a gift or pre-paid card doesn't have that problem. Once the money is gone, that's it. Until the card is reloaded, there ARE NO overdraft charges.
This was just Douche Gardens' way of making sure that they don't have to do more than they have to. Either have a Alan Greenspan Semen coated credit card with Bill Gates' limit on it, or pay in full. Otherwise fuck off.
Lovely.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Damn. Can't even rent a house without attracting these scam-tards
Ok, you never really answered my question about the place. Secondly, I ran google maps to see where the place is and the funny thing is that...well...Google Maps came up with the same home as an available rental property.
The further problem is that the property is managed by [name withheld] of Remax and that the house in question rents for $1,395 per month.
This flags your e-mail as a scam to me. That and the fact that instead of answering my questions, you gave me a massively long sob story. In fact...your reply reads very much like a Nigerian Scam story in both cadence (pattern and rhythm) and in the phenomenally poor punctuation and grammar.
Let's dissect this shall we?
On Mon, Mar 22, 2010 at 7:54 AM, Robert Miller
Hello,
First of all, there is the hosanna.net address. You claim to be in the UK, but your address comes up in whois as being from Korea. This would explain the poor punctuation and grammar as it is very similar to the in-game scams that keep popping up on World of Warcraft (which also come in from Korea). If you claim to be in the UK, then by god USE an address in the UK. Or just as believable, use a gmail address and say that you're using it since you (in story) were from the US in the first place.
Thank you very much for the reply and interest in my home. I am the owner of the home you are making inquiry of. Actually I resided in the home with my wife before and presently we had packed out of the home due to my recent transfer from our company and now situated in the united kingdom.I am a welder under ship building,I worked with Nassco ship building Company,but I have a job appointment with BVT Surface Fleet Limited you can view our site at www.bvtsurfacefleet.com . And presently we want to give out our house for rent to a clean and tidy person.
Having a friend who works at BAE systems (where that link redirects us to), I know that they need electronics, computer, and programming majors (as well as other white collar work). Welders wouldn't be hired by BAE Systems but by the ship builders.
I do have to give you credit for at least picking a company IN the area. Good job there.
Our home is available now for rent at $800 with a security deposit of $800 including all the Utilities like electricity, Hydro washer, warmer, Gas, internet connection etc. I want to let you know that money is not our problem but what we are looking for is absolute care of the home when you pack into the home. We are looking out for someone that can always keep the home clean and tidy.So please I want you to stand on the agreement you will make with us.
No one in the US uses Hydro Washer or Warmer as terms to describe Water and Sewer and heating. Learn not only the language, but the lingo as well please. You'll not raise the red flags on my finely tuned and calibrated bullshit detector.
We are kind and honest people,we don't like disappointing people and we don't want anyone to disappoint me.We spent a lot on our house that we want to give to you for rent.It is very close to Parks and Shopping.
Again, your lack of understanding the Southern Maryland culture shows through. Around here, parks are of limited interest to us. And you're close, but not very close. Very close would be in Lexington Park/California and not 20 minutes outside of it. And before you claim otherwise, I commute from California to my home and go past there every day. I know it's 20 minutes.
Oh and thanks for the "kind and honest people" remark. I haven't laughed so hard since the CNN article about the gaming addicted couple in Korea who let their little baby die of neglect and starvation all because they were too busy playing with their virtual baby on an online game.
Ah, good times, good times.
What really happened is this, we are not giving the home out for rent just because of money but because of our recent work to UK.So we will solicit for your absolute maintenance of our house. We want you to treat it as yours when you move in, I hope this is very clear to you? I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that we will be glad to see it neat and clean whenever we visit the country.
Solicit? You're supposed to be from Southern Maryland. You just moved to the UK and you've already gone native. I thought that takes at least a year.
And "glad to see it neat and clean?" Are you unaware that in this country (probably are since you're most likely Korean) that the landlord/lady of a property has no right to enter the dwelling when it is renter occupied unless the renter agrees to it? So unless you were planning on Breaking and Entering (which you aren't since you neither own the property nor even plan on entering the US), you ain't coming in to see it neat and clean.
I want to let you know that there is no one there in the state to show you the inside of the house as the keys and all documents of the house are here with us and we shall get it shipped to you via FEDEX or DHL Courier Service as soon as you are ready to move in
You can go check out the house and the neighborhood from the outside and get back to me if you really like it for more information.I will also send some of the pictures to you in my next email.The physical address is [address withheld to protect the real owners of the property].
As the REAL owners of the property have done, anyone who doesn't have the time or ability to show off a property uses a real estate company. In this case Remax. What you would be doing (if you weren't trying to scam my ass) is risking someone scamming your ass. Did you know (oh right...Korean...nevermind). It's very hard to get someone out of a house even if they're in illegally. Squater's Rights is something we have in this country and it is a living, cringe-making hell to get someone out.
So i solicit for your absolute maintenance of our house. We want you to treat it as yours when you move in, I hope this is very clear to you? It's not all about the money but I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that we will be glad to see it neat and clean when ever we visit the country.
You're repeating yourself word for word. Almost like you did a cut-and-paste in creating a form letter for the purposes of scamming.
Funny that.
You can stay in the house as long as you wish because we already own another house here in UK and will buy a house in USA before we return.I also want you to let me have trust in you as I always stand on my words. You can email me back for further discussion .
Feel free to trust in me. You can trust in the fact that I'm too goddamn smart to fall for these scams. You can trust in the fact that I am cynical and sarcastic. You can trust that I'm posting this conversation on my blog for all my friends to see. You can trust that they will laugh and point at you and your idiocy. You can trust that they'll call me up and complement me on flaming yet another scam-tard. You can trust that I'll use my blog's functions and one day print out this story (as well as all the others) so I can create a coffee table book to share with even more people.
You can trust me
Ok, so some of what's on TV isn't bad.
So I'm puppy sitting a friend's new Shar Pei and we have to stay over at their house.
Oh please don't make me stay at a house with a jacuzzi and high-speed internet access ok, you've convinced me.
Well, since we didn't pack up our extensive DVD collection, we were forced to watch TV.
It takes some doing, but there ARE still shows worth watching. Not many, but there are a few.
What we really need to have happen is for the cable channels to offer Ala-Carte subscriptions. Give me the local channels for local news and weather, and let me pick the rest in blocks of 5 or 10 channels. I mention this as they keep thinking about it, but sadly I feel that the cable companies are too busy sitting around and jerking themselves off while snorting cocaine off the ass of a $200 an hour hooker to care about the wants and desires of their customers.
Bitter? Sarcastic? Me? Nah...what gave you that impression?
SO, I submit the list of channels and associated shows that if I could get JUST those channels might (just might) get me to consider cable TV again.
History Channel - Ok, I'm a sucker for Modern Marvels, I love historical stuff (if I didn't, I wouldn't be in the SCA now would I?), and by and large, they are one of the few channels that hasn't diluted it's concept by playing everything that everyone else is.
Discovery Channel - Not as awesome as once it was, but still has Dirtiest Jobs, Deadliest catch and How it's Made.
BBC America - The closest thing I'll ever get to the real BBC. What gives? In the 90's we had the controversy of having topless female nudity on prime-time (Wow! We got to see boobies for what? 10 seconds? Less even?) and the REAL BBC had shows like the Benny Hill show and Monty Python where they cursed and showed half-to-totally nekkid women back in the 60's and 70's. Sure, you have to pay for the TV licence, but their crappy TV shows are better than our "Nielson Rated Gold".
Makes you want to count toes on the Nielsons. I'm betting that the family tree don't fork. And if one of Nielson Raters reads this (first of all I'd be amazed), and gets offended, just log off the inter-web thingie and go back kissin' yer sister-mama in front of TV.
NatGeo - Good learning stuff. I can't keep my "Edu-ma-cated Redneck" status if I don't spend at least three hours looking at Wiki or watching stuff on how the universe got made or stuff like that.
TruTV - Ok, I know I blasted the hell out of it thanks to the one time I tried to watch it. I must have caught it on a bad day because there was a crap-ton of stupid people acting even stupider to the judge/officer/MP. Plus the show about the women deputies in the same Arizona county that has the really fun Sheriff (the one that makes the inmates wear bright pink underwear, handcufs, day uniforms) is amusing. I'm sorry, seeing some 6'8 male Lurch-looking moron getting his left knee shoved into his right ear (a poor fit at best) by a 5'2 woman...well it just tickles my "laugh at the stupid dumbass" funnybone.
Other channels I'd get if I had to go for a pack of 10.
Cartoon Network - Family Guy and Robot Chicken for me, The other cartoons for the kids.
Comedy Central - They chop the movies to hell for the TV Censors, but they have some funny stuff and the after hours stuff is often uncut.
Food Network - Most of the shows I couldn't care for as I'm of the "Meat, Gravy, Spuds and Biscuits IS the four food groups" sort of person thanks to my redneck upbringing. They make some stuff that's a little out of my comfort zone. However Alton Brown's "Good Eats" and the shows that showcase the off the beaten path eateries are entertaining. Heck, I'll plan trips just so we can try one of those places if they look good...providing that there is something worth going there to do or look at.
Comedy Central - Some fun stuff, some really raunchy stuff (drawn together) and occasionally at night they actually show an uncut show.
Animal Planet - Good for fun filler
SyFy - Just on the off handed hope that they'll actually play something Science Fiction again...that and the fact that out of the rest of my choices it is the least offensive.
Oh please don't make me stay at a house with a jacuzzi and high-speed internet access
Well, since we didn't pack up our extensive DVD collection, we were forced to watch TV.
It takes some doing, but there ARE still shows worth watching. Not many, but there are a few.
What we really need to have happen is for the cable channels to offer Ala-Carte subscriptions. Give me the local channels for local news and weather, and let me pick the rest in blocks of 5 or 10 channels. I mention this as they keep thinking about it, but sadly I feel that the cable companies are too busy sitting around and jerking themselves off while snorting cocaine off the ass of a $200 an hour hooker to care about the wants and desires of their customers.
Bitter? Sarcastic? Me? Nah...what gave you that impression?
SO, I submit the list of channels and associated shows that if I could get JUST those channels might (just might) get me to consider cable TV again.
History Channel - Ok, I'm a sucker for Modern Marvels, I love historical stuff (if I didn't, I wouldn't be in the SCA now would I?), and by and large, they are one of the few channels that hasn't diluted it's concept by playing everything that everyone else is.
Discovery Channel - Not as awesome as once it was, but still has Dirtiest Jobs, Deadliest catch and How it's Made.
BBC America - The closest thing I'll ever get to the real BBC. What gives? In the 90's we had the controversy of having topless female nudity on prime-time (Wow! We got to see boobies for what? 10 seconds? Less even?) and the REAL BBC had shows like the Benny Hill show and Monty Python where they cursed and showed half-to-totally nekkid women back in the 60's and 70's. Sure, you have to pay for the TV licence, but their crappy TV shows are better than our "Nielson Rated Gold".
Makes you want to count toes on the Nielsons. I'm betting that the family tree don't fork. And if one of Nielson Raters reads this (first of all I'd be amazed), and gets offended, just log off the inter-web thingie and go back kissin' yer sister-mama in front of TV.
NatGeo - Good learning stuff. I can't keep my "Edu-ma-cated Redneck" status if I don't spend at least three hours looking at Wiki or watching stuff on how the universe got made or stuff like that.
TruTV - Ok, I know I blasted the hell out of it thanks to the one time I tried to watch it. I must have caught it on a bad day because there was a crap-ton of stupid people acting even stupider to the judge/officer/MP. Plus the show about the women deputies in the same Arizona county that has the really fun Sheriff (the one that makes the inmates wear bright pink underwear, handcufs, day uniforms) is amusing. I'm sorry, seeing some 6'8 male Lurch-looking moron getting his left knee shoved into his right ear (a poor fit at best) by a 5'2 woman...well it just tickles my "laugh at the stupid dumbass" funnybone.
Other channels I'd get if I had to go for a pack of 10.
Cartoon Network - Family Guy and Robot Chicken for me, The other cartoons for the kids.
Comedy Central - They chop the movies to hell for the TV Censors, but they have some funny stuff and the after hours stuff is often uncut.
Food Network - Most of the shows I couldn't care for as I'm of the "Meat, Gravy, Spuds and Biscuits IS the four food groups" sort of person thanks to my redneck upbringing. They make some stuff that's a little out of my comfort zone. However Alton Brown's "Good Eats" and the shows that showcase the off the beaten path eateries are entertaining. Heck, I'll plan trips just so we can try one of those places if they look good...providing that there is something worth going there to do or look at.
Comedy Central - Some fun stuff, some really raunchy stuff (drawn together) and occasionally at night they actually show an uncut show.
Animal Planet - Good for fun filler
SyFy - Just on the off handed hope that they'll actually play something Science Fiction again...that and the fact that out of the rest of my choices it is the least offensive.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I am now a traitor to the American way...
...of spending thousands of hours on my fat, bloated ass watching mindless pablum and being spoon-fed the propaganda of what passes for modern media.
No I haven't gone strange or paranoid, I have just given up TV.
Actually I gave it up a while ago, but recently I learned that I'm not missing a gorram thing.
News? The news isn't so bad, if you don't mind the fact that objective journalism has mutated into a ratings pissing contest with each other trying to get some exclusive news out there that will make the American Population tune into them for it. I personally just love how they can announce that "SO AND SO IS THE RAPIST AND KILLER OF THAT 14 YEAR OLD GIRL" on one day and the next after the police report that they were just questioning him to eliminate him as a suspect (and thanks to airtight alibis, they have done so), report a retraction something to the effect of "Ok, so he wasn't the rapist killer, our bad.".
Next thing I learned is that the "reality tv" show has taken over. It's gotten to the point where I watch one of these things and I can tell you what is going to happen next and at what time it will happen. Example, the show where Gordon Ramsey helps a struggling restaurant get back on its feet. It's gotten to the point where you can tell which one of the three types of shows this is going to be.
Show one. Owner of restaurant is a real douchebag, spouse wants to do what Ramsey wants. Up until the last 5 minutes, douchebag fights and digs heels in to keep the changes from being made. Then in the last 5 minuts, there is a yelling contest and the douchebag is cowed by Ramsey and starts doing it right and is amazed that things are going so well. Follow-up, they mostly do things Ramsey's way after he's gone, adding a few touches that doesn't sabotage his ideas and the business is going strong.
Show two. Owner is a douchebag, spouse is likewise, they butt heads with Ramsey, the restaurant eventually does what Ramsey wants, makes a boat load of cash, then after he's gone changes everything back to the way it was. Follow-up is that the restaurant isn't in business anymore, and is owned by "someone else" under a new name. Which is interesting since I know of one restaurant that they did. It always was the "new name" and only became the "show name" for the show.
Show three. Owner is a goody. Too good for his or her own damn good and the staff is running the place to the ground by their laziness and piss poor performance. Finally Ramsey threatens to have them fired and they finally snap to and do their job. They are also surprised that "Gee Willikers!" they're now making money in tips. Follow-up is that the business is a success and they may or may not have replaced some if not all of the staff.
It's always like this. 10 minutes into it and you know the outcome.
Or this is one thing I love about TV. Going back to the the original business model of having many cable channels to address the interests of various groups. You'd have channels like Sci-Fi channel for Science Fiction fans, MTV for music videos (yes I'm so old that I remember MTV doing that), The Learning Channel for people who want to learn stuff (and not the all "John and Kate Plus 8" or the other fully-automatic baby-makers out there), and other channels for other groups. In spite of that, they are now all going to being channels that have to pander to all demographics at some point in the day...with the notable exception of the one demographic they were created to pander to. SyFy comes to mind. Watched that sucker and didn't see anything that could be remotely construed as Science Fiction.
So we now have 200+ channels that all show the same goram thing. I can flip to 20 channels and watch House, CSI (in all flavors), and NCIS.
Or my latest gripe. After getting sick to death of all the other channels, I thought I'd fall back on my old standby. TruTV (Not reality, Actuality). I was hoping to see some dumbass criminals get pwned on COPS, or some dumbass morons try to bullshit their way out of a ticket on Speeders, or even better than that is the shows about the vacation hotspots where people get drunk and do stupid stuff. What could be better for a guy than watching some young, nubile college-aged hottie getting so tanked that she's gearing down and getting arrested for indecent exposure. Sure it's pixelated, but you usually get to see them in a bikini or in panties and a bra first.
But no longer. I scrolled though the whole list for the day and TruTV didn't have anything police, court, or stupid dumbass related for the entire day.
So, after seeing TV, I decided that I really am not missing anything. And if there is anything I really want to see on TV, I can just wait a year and catch the DVD or Blu-Ray release of it. Plus I don't have to deal with the insipid commercials, the political ads where candidate-one tells the world that candidate-two eats babies followed up by the add where candidate-two responds with "Oh yeah? Well candidate-one whips puppies with live rattlesnakes."
So, with the American way now including watching TV and being turned into a mindless sheep, I am now a traitor to that plan. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play a little Warcraft, lie down and knock off a few chapters of my book and go to bed.
No I haven't gone strange or paranoid, I have just given up TV.
Actually I gave it up a while ago, but recently I learned that I'm not missing a gorram thing.
News? The news isn't so bad, if you don't mind the fact that objective journalism has mutated into a ratings pissing contest with each other trying to get some exclusive news out there that will make the American Population tune into them for it. I personally just love how they can announce that "SO AND SO IS THE RAPIST AND KILLER OF THAT 14 YEAR OLD GIRL" on one day and the next after the police report that they were just questioning him to eliminate him as a suspect (and thanks to airtight alibis, they have done so), report a retraction something to the effect of "Ok, so he wasn't the rapist killer, our bad.".
Next thing I learned is that the "reality tv" show has taken over. It's gotten to the point where I watch one of these things and I can tell you what is going to happen next and at what time it will happen. Example, the show where Gordon Ramsey helps a struggling restaurant get back on its feet. It's gotten to the point where you can tell which one of the three types of shows this is going to be.
Show one. Owner of restaurant is a real douchebag, spouse wants to do what Ramsey wants. Up until the last 5 minutes, douchebag fights and digs heels in to keep the changes from being made. Then in the last 5 minuts, there is a yelling contest and the douchebag is cowed by Ramsey and starts doing it right and is amazed that things are going so well. Follow-up, they mostly do things Ramsey's way after he's gone, adding a few touches that doesn't sabotage his ideas and the business is going strong.
Show two. Owner is a douchebag, spouse is likewise, they butt heads with Ramsey, the restaurant eventually does what Ramsey wants, makes a boat load of cash, then after he's gone changes everything back to the way it was. Follow-up is that the restaurant isn't in business anymore, and is owned by "someone else" under a new name. Which is interesting since I know of one restaurant that they did. It always was the "new name" and only became the "show name" for the show.
Show three. Owner is a goody. Too good for his or her own damn good and the staff is running the place to the ground by their laziness and piss poor performance. Finally Ramsey threatens to have them fired and they finally snap to and do their job. They are also surprised that "Gee Willikers!" they're now making money in tips. Follow-up is that the business is a success and they may or may not have replaced some if not all of the staff.
It's always like this. 10 minutes into it and you know the outcome.
Or this is one thing I love about TV. Going back to the the original business model of having many cable channels to address the interests of various groups. You'd have channels like Sci-Fi channel for Science Fiction fans, MTV for music videos (yes I'm so old that I remember MTV doing that), The Learning Channel for people who want to learn stuff (and not the all "John and Kate Plus 8" or the other fully-automatic baby-makers out there), and other channels for other groups. In spite of that, they are now all going to being channels that have to pander to all demographics at some point in the day...with the notable exception of the one demographic they were created to pander to. SyFy comes to mind. Watched that sucker and didn't see anything that could be remotely construed as Science Fiction.
So we now have 200+ channels that all show the same goram thing. I can flip to 20 channels and watch House, CSI (in all flavors), and NCIS.
Or my latest gripe. After getting sick to death of all the other channels, I thought I'd fall back on my old standby. TruTV (Not reality, Actuality). I was hoping to see some dumbass criminals get pwned on COPS, or some dumbass morons try to bullshit their way out of a ticket on Speeders, or even better than that is the shows about the vacation hotspots where people get drunk and do stupid stuff. What could be better for a guy than watching some young, nubile college-aged hottie getting so tanked that she's gearing down and getting arrested for indecent exposure. Sure it's pixelated, but you usually get to see them in a bikini or in panties and a bra first.
But no longer. I scrolled though the whole list for the day and TruTV didn't have anything police, court, or stupid dumbass related for the entire day.
So, after seeing TV, I decided that I really am not missing anything. And if there is anything I really want to see on TV, I can just wait a year and catch the DVD or Blu-Ray release of it. Plus I don't have to deal with the insipid commercials, the political ads where candidate-one tells the world that candidate-two eats babies followed up by the add where candidate-two responds with "Oh yeah? Well candidate-one whips puppies with live rattlesnakes."
So, with the American way now including watching TV and being turned into a mindless sheep, I am now a traitor to that plan. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play a little Warcraft, lie down and knock off a few chapters of my book and go to bed.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Me thinks that they protest overmuch
I read a website called Customers Suck.
Many times, I'll go over there and amaze myself on how much of an entitlement whore the average shopper can be. How they get inflamed and enraged over the fact that the store had the audacity to end the sale on they day they said they were going to.
All of this to spite the Entitlement Whore who was too lazy to go to the store when the sale was on in the first place.
You know...that sort of thing.
However there are times when I get sick of the people posting the stories. The people who are the victims of the douchebaggery and the poor attitudes of the customers. Sometimes I think they might be bringing the problems upon themselves.
Case in point. A post today that I read stated that "Normally I don't consider this sucky, but it was the sedond time that day I was asked this" in regards to someone wanting to know why a specific item wasn't available in the store and had to be ordered.
First of all. When I (for example) ask why something isn't stocked, I would like an answer. It doesn't have to be complex, it doesn't have to pander to my whims. A simple "We don't stock it because we only sell two of these a year if we're lucky."
I can accept that as an answer. Really, I can.
Secondly, I'm not there at the store all day. I am not privy to all the questions asked of you. If I come in and ask a question that has been asked a dozen times before, I am simply looking for an answer. I'm sorry if you're sick of the question, but unless you put up a sign that states "I've been asked the question [insert question here] multiple times today, the answer is [answer], please do not ask this of me anymore.", then I have no way of knowing that you're irritated by the question.
Just as a thought, maybe putting up a sign might not be a bad idea. If you have a sale flyer out there that states that something that is popular (and something that I also want) is on drastic reduction, then I'm going to come into your store, spend a few minutes looking for said item, then give up and ask if you have any in stock.
Now I know that many times if it's not on the floor, it might not be in the store anymore. But in light of the fact that sale items are often moved where they can be watched by store personnel, or placed next to an item that complements (and that you're using the sale item as a loss leader for) it...I might be justified in asking if you have the item and where would it be located in the store.
I do not give two hoots in hell if you have been asked the question a billion times that day. Maybe you should place the item in a more "easy to find" location in the case that you do have tons of the item, or a sign that states that "Sorry, we're out of..." in the event that you do not.
How do I know that you sold the last item the day before? How do I know that people have also been asking you all day?
I don't, so I ask.
Asking doesn't make me a sucky customer no matter how many times you've heard the question. It's my attitude that determines my level of suck. If I shrug, thank you, maybe ask if I can order one at the sale price and pick it up when it comes in, then go on my merry way...then I am not. If I get all pissy and scream, bitch and moan about it to the universe at large...then I am.
Get over it, people ask questions. That's how we find out stuff. If you don't like it, find a job that doesn't involve other people.
Many times, I'll go over there and amaze myself on how much of an entitlement whore the average shopper can be. How they get inflamed and enraged over the fact that the store had the audacity to end the sale on they day they said they were going to.
All of this to spite the Entitlement Whore who was too lazy to go to the store when the sale was on in the first place.
You know...that sort of thing.
However there are times when I get sick of the people posting the stories. The people who are the victims of the douchebaggery and the poor attitudes of the customers. Sometimes I think they might be bringing the problems upon themselves.
Case in point. A post today that I read stated that "Normally I don't consider this sucky, but it was the sedond time that day I was asked this" in regards to someone wanting to know why a specific item wasn't available in the store and had to be ordered.
First of all. When I (for example) ask why something isn't stocked, I would like an answer. It doesn't have to be complex, it doesn't have to pander to my whims. A simple "We don't stock it because we only sell two of these a year if we're lucky."
I can accept that as an answer. Really, I can.
Secondly, I'm not there at the store all day. I am not privy to all the questions asked of you. If I come in and ask a question that has been asked a dozen times before, I am simply looking for an answer. I'm sorry if you're sick of the question, but unless you put up a sign that states "I've been asked the question [insert question here] multiple times today, the answer is [answer], please do not ask this of me anymore.", then I have no way of knowing that you're irritated by the question.
Just as a thought, maybe putting up a sign might not be a bad idea. If you have a sale flyer out there that states that something that is popular (and something that I also want) is on drastic reduction, then I'm going to come into your store, spend a few minutes looking for said item, then give up and ask if you have any in stock.
Now I know that many times if it's not on the floor, it might not be in the store anymore. But in light of the fact that sale items are often moved where they can be watched by store personnel, or placed next to an item that complements (and that you're using the sale item as a loss leader for) it...I might be justified in asking if you have the item and where would it be located in the store.
I do not give two hoots in hell if you have been asked the question a billion times that day. Maybe you should place the item in a more "easy to find" location in the case that you do have tons of the item, or a sign that states that "Sorry, we're out of..." in the event that you do not.
How do I know that you sold the last item the day before? How do I know that people have also been asking you all day?
I don't, so I ask.
Asking doesn't make me a sucky customer no matter how many times you've heard the question. It's my attitude that determines my level of suck. If I shrug, thank you, maybe ask if I can order one at the sale price and pick it up when it comes in, then go on my merry way...then I am not. If I get all pissy and scream, bitch and moan about it to the universe at large...then I am.
Get over it, people ask questions. That's how we find out stuff. If you don't like it, find a job that doesn't involve other people.
A scammer. Oh joy.
From a scammer I found in my e-mail box and my reply to him...
For example: "You have a bank draft of 517,920 Pounds which at .664 pounds to the dollar is roughly $780,000 depending on current exchange rates."
This is more believable to me.
Besides, a quick google search gave thousands of hits for this business, most of them screaming SCAM at me.
First name: Howdumb
Middle name: Doyoufucking
Last Name: Thinkiam
Address:600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20580
Phone Number:(202) 326-2222
(Which is the address and phone number of the FTC or Federal Trade Commission, which I'm sure would LOVE a call from this asshat.
Which makes me very suspicious as an English company would have their site hosted in an English owned hosting site. And even if they did outsource it, it would STILL show up as an English owned IP Address.
Sorry, guess again morons.
I am Barrister John Floyd,I have been waiting for you to contact meAnd just how in the name of Zeus's sweaty scrotum was I supposed that you were waiting to contact you? Do you honestly think that I just sit around and think to myself "Self, I have this powerful urge to contact some strange person in a foreign country."?
for your conformable Bank Draft of $780.000.00 USDWhy, in all the thousands of letters sent out on a daily basis, are none of the monetary amounts in the local currency? I am not sure about Nigeria, but I'm fairly certain that the British Isles have their own currency. I know they used to use the Pound and then switched over to the Euro. They may or may not have switched back to the pound, but in either case that's irrelevant as they actually HAVE a currency. Might I suggest for something different and exciting and potentially more convincing of stating the amount in the local currency and THEN give the exchange rate and maybe as a courtesy give the converted amount in USD.
For example: "You have a bank draft of 517,920 Pounds which at .664 pounds to the dollar is roughly $780,000 depending on current exchange rates."
This is more believable to me.
from the British Heritage Promotion Company.Why would a company I've never even heard of until today even consider sending me money? I've never had any dealings with foreign companies and for that matter have never been beyond the borders of my own country...EVER. So what business would they have with me?
Besides, a quick google search gave thousands of hits for this business, most of them screaming SCAM at me.
Contact me immediately by sending me your Fullname:Country:Address:Telephone no via email for more details:
First name: Howdumb
Middle name: Doyoufucking
Last Name: Thinkiam
Address:600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20580
Phone Number:(202) 326-2222
(Which is the address and phone number of the FTC or Federal Trade Commission, which I'm sure would LOVE a call from this asshat.
(barjohnfloyd@8u8.com ) or call me +44-7024043543 as soon as you receive the mail.Funny thing about that. No Lawyer (Barrister in your country) would have a professional e-mail address that they would conduct professional business from that wasn't attached to an actual law firm. 8u8.com comes up as being at IP address 59.33.38.57 which a simple ping says is unreachable. A WHOIS search gives me this information.
| ||||||||||||
Which makes me very suspicious as an English company would have their site hosted in an English owned hosting site. And even if they did outsource it, it would STILL show up as an English owned IP Address.
Sorry, guess again morons.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Don't dis da Warcraft.
Sunday, my wife wanders down to the nearby Subway to get us some dinner. She's lucky. She gets the kid working there that is very good at what he does. He's working his way through college and even though this is only a job to earn beer and gas money (his words) he gives it his full dedication and professionalism.
He also makes a damn yummy sandwich and makes it exactly the way we like them.
So she's in and hears the kid being asked by one of his coworkers if he's up for a raid in World of Warcraft. He says that he's up for it and my wife pipes up and asks "What server are you on?"
Well this turns out to be a recognition sign that one is a fellow player (which my wife and I are) and they get to chatting about Warcrack and the fact that we both play, for the duration of the time it takes to make two sandwiches.
Enter our third player. The obnoxious twat of a woman who makes a nice cat-butt face (you know, where they have their lips pursed to tightly that they look like a cat's butthole (*) ) and then makes the comment of how she cannot understand how any grown woman could play a child's game.
My wife didn't comment, she just paid the tab and left.
Hate to break it to you chicky, but WarCraft is played by a large number of people and a goodly number of them *are* grown adults.
Fast forward a few days and I am on my way into work. I stop off at the 7-11 for a Coke Slurpee and I see the clerk reading a hints guide for WoW and I ask (give the recognition sign of) "What server?" He tells me that he's on Madoran and I tell him that I've a Level 58 Night-Elf Hunter on Galakrond.
Enter the twat again. Although I didn't know that she was the twat from the previous encounter.
She makes the (*) again and says "You must be the husband of *that* woman from Subway that plays. How any grown people could waste their time on some silly children's game is beyond me."
Not being my wife and being rather disdainful of people like her I respond with "Funny. I can't understand how a grown woman could be such a douchewaffle and disparage something that someone else enjoys as a hobby."
She then gave me the golden chance I've been dreaming of for so long. She said "Well I never!" To which I pay my tab and reply "With your, "charming demeanor"? (please note the sneer quotes) I find that hard to believe."
I then left her looking for all the world like I broke her brain.
He also makes a damn yummy sandwich and makes it exactly the way we like them.
So she's in and hears the kid being asked by one of his coworkers if he's up for a raid in World of Warcraft. He says that he's up for it and my wife pipes up and asks "What server are you on?"
Well this turns out to be a recognition sign that one is a fellow player (which my wife and I are) and they get to chatting about Warcrack and the fact that we both play, for the duration of the time it takes to make two sandwiches.
Enter our third player. The obnoxious twat of a woman who makes a nice cat-butt face (you know, where they have their lips pursed to tightly that they look like a cat's butthole (*) ) and then makes the comment of how she cannot understand how any grown woman could play a child's game.
My wife didn't comment, she just paid the tab and left.
Hate to break it to you chicky, but WarCraft is played by a large number of people and a goodly number of them *are* grown adults.
Fast forward a few days and I am on my way into work. I stop off at the 7-11 for a Coke Slurpee and I see the clerk reading a hints guide for WoW and I ask (give the recognition sign of) "What server?" He tells me that he's on Madoran and I tell him that I've a Level 58 Night-Elf Hunter on Galakrond.
Enter the twat again. Although I didn't know that she was the twat from the previous encounter.
She makes the (*) again and says "You must be the husband of *that* woman from Subway that plays. How any grown people could waste their time on some silly children's game is beyond me."
Not being my wife and being rather disdainful of people like her I respond with "Funny. I can't understand how a grown woman could be such a douchewaffle and disparage something that someone else enjoys as a hobby."
She then gave me the golden chance I've been dreaming of for so long. She said "Well I never!" To which I pay my tab and reply "With your, "charming demeanor"? (please note the sneer quotes) I find that hard to believe."
I then left her looking for all the world like I broke her brain.
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