Another Scammer. Yippee!

SUB: IRREVOCABLE RELEASE OF YOUR PAYMENT VIA CASH DELIVERY.

I am Barr: Robinson Evans, the newly appointed director general in charge of approving & releasing all owed yet unpaid\Un-released foreign payments and also the special adviser to the United-Nation fighting against the un-necessary delays of beneficiaries yet unclaimed payment including yours which was recently discovered this week that has not yet been paid to you by the present BRITISH GOVERNMENT after series of investigation conducted.

Congratulations on your new appointment. I myself have been recently appointed to the position of pointing out all the ways you are idiots. It's not a very high paying job, but at least poking fun at you anal-dwelling butt monkeys is a load of fun.

I am delighted whole heartedly to inform you that the contract/Inheritance panel of the UN, which just concluded its seating in London federal capital territory just released your (E-mail Id & Name) among the currently approved beneficiaries who are to benefit 100% from this very diplomatic immunity 1st First quarter payment of the year. This panel was primarily delegated to investigate and to genuinely manipulate all owed debts and claims as it has eaten deep into the economy of the Great Britain-London.

You know, the funny thing there is. Unclaimed moneys are a blessing and a boon to the banks and via trickle down to the economy. You see, unclaimed funds do not just sit there in a vault gathering dust. Unclaimed funds (as are all funds in a bank) are used in banking investments to help the banking institutions make money. The more money made, the more money can be lent to the people where it will generate more money in the form of interest. So having these unclaimed funds are a help to the economy. What would hurt the economy would be if all the unclaimed funds were claimed at the same time. A "Run on the bank" as it were.

Besides, I have no living family in Europe as they all came with what little money they had at the turn of the 20th century.

However, i wish to personally bring to your urgent notice, so that you will be aware  that your yet unclaimed payment data's is still reflecting in our central computer as unpaid and un-claimed owed debt in my department where i newly work as the new appointed (UN) lawyer in charge of approving & releasing of all yet unpaid debts recently recovered back by the (UN) office in London been our branch after discovering that your payment has been delayed un-necessary due to one reason or another while auditing was going on this week. Your own file was personally forwarded to my executive office by the chief auditors of the (UN) as an unclaimed fund.

Wow! That's one HELL of a long run-on sentence. For someone who is a Barrister and supposedly an educated man...you speak English worse than a Chav. And if you don't know what in the name of Zeus's sweaty scrotal sack a chav is...then ya ain't Brittish.

At this moment, I wish to use this medium of communication to inform you that for the time being the (UN) has completely stopped further payment through bank to bank transfer, Atm Card, Bank Draft or Check Payment due to numerous petitions received from the united states home-land security, the FBI, IMF and other financial and security  agencies to UK Government against our banks on wrong payment and diversion of innocent beneficiaries owed funds to a different account.

Pull the other one. I know of people who have sent money to and from the UK via electronic means.

In this regards, I am going to use my good office now to send you your just approved part-payment in the tune of $7.5M (Seven million five hundred Thousand United States Dollars) only by cash to you via a special (UN) universal diplomatic delivery means to you. In process of doing that, i will personally secure every needed documents as the newly appointed lawyer representing the (UN) office now to cover the money including the affidavit to claim of this particular yet unclaimed payment from our federal high court here in London which will bestow the right and privilege to you as the rightful beneficiary who is to receive this payment after meeting up with the delivery requirement as the British law stipulate. All these will be done perfectly only on the condition that you will give me 10% of the funds we are about disbursing to you which is SEVEN hundred and fifty  Thousand United States dollars only out of the $7.5 million you are to receive as soon as you receive the money which will coming to you through the DALLAS (DFW) Dallas/Fort Worth  INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT , in TEXAS USA before the diplomat will continue his journey to your home to enable him deliver your consignment trunk boxes at your door step.

Yeah right. You're going to send a steamer trunk full of money at a massively prohibitive cost per pound instead of sending a bank note or electronic information? Not to mention the risk to you if the money gets stolen in transit. After all there is customs all over the place all wanting to peek into it, baggage handlers, you name it.

Not to mention you brought up homeland security. A trunk with that amount of money would be pulled and I'll be lucky to see any of the money (were it real and not a scam) sometime in the next decade.

Note: The money will be coming on 2 security proof trunk boxes. The boxes are already sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine by the management of this organization and I also want you to know that the management are not aware of my plans with you in this transaction, so you have to keep it a top secret till me and you are able to conclude this very transaction. This fund was brought to us from the World Bank special delegates because the funds itself was meant for our local afem market here in the UK.

Oh cool! Synthetic Nylon! Much better than the naturally grown stuff. It's been a bad year for Nylon. My grandfather gave up on growing it after three failed crops in a row and converted the fields for polyester grazing. Much more lucrative.

But you don't have to worry for anything that need to be taking care of here in London, as this transaction is 100% risk free and will remain legit as long as you work with me transparently. The boxes are coming with a diplomatic agent assigned by the management of this organization by Diplomat" who will accompany the boxes to your house address or any address you will provide to me for this transaction to enable us complete. All you need to do now upon your willing acceptance on my condition, is to send to me a guarantee that you will give me 10% of the funds as soon as you receive the $7.5M, and your full house address and your identity such as, international passport or driver's license including your personal contact phone numbers which must be a working numbers, the diplomatic attached will travel with it.

Wow! I, a miserable peon, getting a visit from a diplomat! Oh damn, I have nothing to wear. I'll need to get new shoes, clean up the cat vomit stain from the carpet...

He will call you immediately he arrives in your country's airport to update you and I hope you understand each and every point that I've made clear to you in this email message am sending you.

Which one? We have a whole mess of airports in this country. We're up to our fucking necks in the damn things. We need to occasionally drop some "Airport-be-gone" to keep them under control. If they get too numerous they tend to start roaming the countryside in packs and start eating the cats of little old ladies.

WARNNING/ADVISE: Please note carefully that any money requested from you by anybody,office,banks or group of people from Africa/Nigeria or any part of the world to receive your payment expect the United-Nation Appointed Commission Office (UK), presently in charge of recovering all un-necessary delayed yet unclaimed owed debts payments, whom the FBI, IMF and other financial agencies have irrevocably approved that should serve you better and ensure you receive your payment this time around, so kindly note that any money sent by you to any office in Africa/Nigeria is at your OWN RISK, so stay away from any other office, person or group of people and face only the United-Nation Appointed Approved Payment Disbursing High Commission Office only till your payment gets to you safely through the DALLAS (DFW) Dallas/Fort Worth  INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT(TEXAS)

Woah! Africa! This is coming out of Nigeria? Damn I though it was for real since it was from the UK. Now I has a sad.

Besides, Baltimore Washington International airport is going to be a little closer to where I live than Texas

MOST IMPORTANTLY: for security reasons and to enable the both of us conclude this transaction successfully, note that the diplomat coming with the consignment boxes will not know the original contents inside the boxes he is to delivery to you. So what l and our accredited management will declare to him that is inside the consignment boxes is a sensitive photographic film material and classified volume confidential company's contract documents.

And isn't he/she/it going to wonder why he's coming out to a trailer park in the middle of East Rednecksville to hand over sensitive and classified materials to a lower middle class wage slave like me?

Also note categorically that, before I proceed with the next arrangement, you are advice to respond back to me immediately on email address  , so we can talk and agree first before I seal this transaction with you and if you have any question to ask for more clarification before and remember to send the required information's directly to my Email address and I will let you know how far I have gone with the arrangement. I will secure the diplomatic immunity clearance certificate that will be tagged on the boxes to make it stand as a diplomatic consignment. This clearance will make it pass every custom checking point all over the world without any hitch. All this I will do with my own money as your partner..

But you give two different e-mail addresses in your letter to me. I'm confused now. Bad man...you broke my little brain.

Please, I need your urgent reply via my email address, because the boxes are schedule already to live immediately as soon as I hear from you today. You should confirm immediately you receive this message through my Email: I will send you my confidential telephone number as soon as I receive your immediate respond today.

Well at least you said please so I will actually send you something...my deepest loathing and disgust. Get a real job before I fake some documentation that you are an Al Qaeda terrorist cell and leak it to the US Marine Corp. 

Marines. Destroyed in 30 minutes or the next one's free.

Ooh! Scammer fun

Dear Friend

I am Mrs. Darlene Grace; I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside here in New Braunfels Texas. My  Residential Address is as follows. 108 Crockett Court. Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas, United States.

What apartment 303? That address according to Google Maps, Terraserver and several other such satellite photo archive sites shows that address as a single-family dwelling. Nice try but you muffed it right from the start.

I am one of those that executed a contract in Nigeria years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $20,000 trying to get my payment all to no avail.

That’s what you get for being a stupid retard and falling for such obvious scams in the first place. Perhaps reading a little Robert Heinlein might help you understand the concept of TANSTAAFL (There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch).

So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my contract documents, and I was directed to meet the  Attorney in charge of contract and beneficiary funds, Barrister Festus Keyamo, who is the member of the  NNPC CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me.

So…against all travel advisories warning you that trips to that area are dangerous, you went there anyway?

He said that those people that are contacting us through emails are fake imposters and wants to rip us off.

Kettle calling the pot black there.

Then he took me to the paying bank, which is SKYE BANK OF NIGERIA PLC, and I am the happiest woman on this Earth because I have received my NNPC CONTRACT funds of $5, 000, 000, 00.(five million united states  Dollars)

And why would a bank, a business which exists to make money just hand over 5 million dollars in US currency?

 Moreover, Barrister Festus Keyamo, showed me the full information of those that have not received Their payment and I saw your name as one of the beneficiary on the NNPC CONTRACT AWARD CERTIFICATE Including your email address, that why i decided to email you and tell you to stop dealing with those  Imposters, they are not with your fund.

This is bullshit. I’ve never contacted anyone outside of the US regarding anything on a financial basis. I’ve contacted many people outside of the United States to make fun of them for trying (badly) to scam me out of my hard earned money. Something similar to what I’m doing to you in fact.

I will advise you to contact the attorney in charge of funds issued to beneficiaries, Barrister Festus  Keyamo now so as for him to assist you to get your fund transfer into your bank account.

I would sooner coat my genitalia with Honey and stick it into a container of fire ants than contact this person to “assist” me with my money. It would be less painful than the anal violation he would be doing to my financial situation.

You have to contact him direct on this information below.

Name: Attorney Festus Keyamo Esq.

Email: keyamochambers3@hotmail.com

Office Address: 13, Cole Street, Ikeja Lagos Nigeria.

The only thing I have to do in this universe is to die. Everything else is optional.

You really have to stop dealing with those scam imposters and fraudsters that are contacting you via email And telephone informing you of your funds with them why your fund is not with them, they are only taking  Advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing left to eat.

But it is so much fun to poke fun at their pathetic attempts at writing in English. I enjoy pointing out all the little holes in their stories. I cream my jeans at the thought of them reading my replies and getting angry that I’ve called them many bad things.

And besides, they can’t take advantage of me as I’ve never given them the slightest hint of where I bank much less the account numbers. I’m too smart for that. I like my money.

The only money I paid to the attorney was just $650 for NRTC (Non Residence Tax Clearance), which is Necessary to be paid, so you have to take note of that.

Noted, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

Once again stop contacting those people,

Make me.

i will  Advice you to contact Barrister Festus Keyamo so that he can help you to finalize the transfer of your  Fund, instead of dealing with those Imposters that will be turning you around asking for different kind of Money to complete your transfer.

Thank You and God Blessed.

The word is “Advise” and not “Advice”. And what is “different kind of money”? I can send them monopoly money. Or perhaps the money from the game of “Life”?