Ooh! Scammer fun

Dear Friend

I am Mrs. Darlene Grace; I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside here in New Braunfels Texas. My  Residential Address is as follows. 108 Crockett Court. Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas, United States.

What apartment 303? That address according to Google Maps, Terraserver and several other such satellite photo archive sites shows that address as a single-family dwelling. Nice try but you muffed it right from the start.

I am one of those that executed a contract in Nigeria years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $20,000 trying to get my payment all to no avail.

That’s what you get for being a stupid retard and falling for such obvious scams in the first place. Perhaps reading a little Robert Heinlein might help you understand the concept of TANSTAAFL (There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch).

So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my contract documents, and I was directed to meet the  Attorney in charge of contract and beneficiary funds, Barrister Festus Keyamo, who is the member of the  NNPC CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me.

So…against all travel advisories warning you that trips to that area are dangerous, you went there anyway?

He said that those people that are contacting us through emails are fake imposters and wants to rip us off.

Kettle calling the pot black there.

Then he took me to the paying bank, which is SKYE BANK OF NIGERIA PLC, and I am the happiest woman on this Earth because I have received my NNPC CONTRACT funds of $5, 000, 000, 00.(five million united states  Dollars)

And why would a bank, a business which exists to make money just hand over 5 million dollars in US currency?

 Moreover, Barrister Festus Keyamo, showed me the full information of those that have not received Their payment and I saw your name as one of the beneficiary on the NNPC CONTRACT AWARD CERTIFICATE Including your email address, that why i decided to email you and tell you to stop dealing with those  Imposters, they are not with your fund.

This is bullshit. I’ve never contacted anyone outside of the US regarding anything on a financial basis. I’ve contacted many people outside of the United States to make fun of them for trying (badly) to scam me out of my hard earned money. Something similar to what I’m doing to you in fact.

I will advise you to contact the attorney in charge of funds issued to beneficiaries, Barrister Festus  Keyamo now so as for him to assist you to get your fund transfer into your bank account.

I would sooner coat my genitalia with Honey and stick it into a container of fire ants than contact this person to “assist” me with my money. It would be less painful than the anal violation he would be doing to my financial situation.

You have to contact him direct on this information below.

Name: Attorney Festus Keyamo Esq.

Email: keyamochambers3@hotmail.com

Office Address: 13, Cole Street, Ikeja Lagos Nigeria.

The only thing I have to do in this universe is to die. Everything else is optional.

You really have to stop dealing with those scam imposters and fraudsters that are contacting you via email And telephone informing you of your funds with them why your fund is not with them, they are only taking  Advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing left to eat.

But it is so much fun to poke fun at their pathetic attempts at writing in English. I enjoy pointing out all the little holes in their stories. I cream my jeans at the thought of them reading my replies and getting angry that I’ve called them many bad things.

And besides, they can’t take advantage of me as I’ve never given them the slightest hint of where I bank much less the account numbers. I’m too smart for that. I like my money.

The only money I paid to the attorney was just $650 for NRTC (Non Residence Tax Clearance), which is Necessary to be paid, so you have to take note of that.

Noted, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

Once again stop contacting those people,

Make me.

i will  Advice you to contact Barrister Festus Keyamo so that he can help you to finalize the transfer of your  Fund, instead of dealing with those Imposters that will be turning you around asking for different kind of Money to complete your transfer.

Thank You and God Blessed.

The word is “Advise” and not “Advice”. And what is “different kind of money”? I can send them monopoly money. Or perhaps the money from the game of “Life”?