The why behind the Westboro Baptist Church - One man's observation and opinions.

This post is mostly for my step-children, but it can also help anyone who is having a hard time understanding why the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC for short since I'm a lazy typist) does what they do.

Truth of the matter is that I do not know why for certain. I have a few theories however.

1. Fame.
As annoying as these people are, what they do is still not as abhorrent as the pedophile priests that have come to light in the Catholic Church. However, unless you live in one of the parishes that have had one of these, I'll wager that you would be hard pressed to think of the name of any Catholic Church that has had a Pedo-Priest.

I know I certainly can't without hitting Google.

Yet, when asked "Hey, do you know the name of that group that protests funerals?" The first thing that pops into your head is "Oh! You mean the WBC!"

You know them by name. You know them without having to think about very hard. Odds are you barely heated up a pair of neurons coming up with them. They are what in the advertising circles are called "Top of the mind" product. When someone asks you to think of a Chocolate bar, you think Hershey's. When asked about Chicken, Tyson or Perdue comes to mind. Think of a fast food burger and McDonalds is there rolling off the tip of your tongue.

That is what they have achieved. You can't think of a parish that has a "Butt-Buggering Bishop" but you know THEM.

2. Advertising
Advertising is costly. For the major corporations to make the money that they make and to become as big as they are, they have to spend a shitload on advertising. One Superbowl slot costs $2.5 million dollars for 30 minutes of advertising.

However, you take your parishioners and work them up into a frenzy over a subject that you hate and that you can get them to hate with you and they'll do all the work for you. They'll empty their wallets of extra money and chuck it into the donation plate during services.

Not only that, point them in a direction (in my case LaPlata Maryland) and they'll do your bidding and protest.  Further to that, they will do so at their expense. Even those that can't make it there themselves will carpool with others, or you can charter a bus for cheap (compared to other forms of advertising). The simple fact is. You get two bus loads of people out to one funeral and the news media will talk about it for a solid week.

That's getting a weeks worth of advertising in the local papers, the local news outlets, the major networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox), CNN, Associated Press, Reuters, National Public Radio, Google News, Fark.com...the list is too huge to fully list here. But you get all that press on dozens of media outlets for the cost of a few charter buses (average of $20 per person per day) and for a full week's coverage. Far more bang for your buck than $2.5 million per 30 second slot on one network.

This fuels the fame above.

Now you might be wondering why I haven't included the message. Well that's because I'll be fucked in the ass with a red-hot agave cactus if I can figure out what the message is. From their website I can't figure out what they are trying to accomplish.

They hate gays. That is clear.
They blame America's problems on the fact that there is homosexuality.
They say that America is doomed.
But they say that America is beyond saving.
All other religions are evil
In fact they do not seem to actually want to save anyone.

So...what in the name of Zeus's hairy, sweaty nut sack are they trying to do? Again I do not know. Their universal condemnation of anyone not a part of the WBC and lack of a desire to try and "save" the wicked leaves me to believe that the message is pure horse shit. Sure they may believe the things that they do, but in the end is that the real reason that they are doing this? It doesn't strike me as being true.

The KKK believe in what they believe in and they do their part to spread their message. In fact they have a clearly defined message of racial purity in America. Neo-Nazi's likewise have a similar message. Anti-Abortionists believe in the sanctity of life, Pro-Choice people believe in the right of a woman to choose. "Birthers" are convinced that President Obama is in office illegally and want him removed under the Constitutional laws regarding the President. PETA believes in not harming animals in any way, shape or form.

All these people and more have clearly defined agendas and goals that they would like to see (unobtainable as they may be) achieved. The WBC seems to just want to stand on a street corner and say how horrible the rest of America is. To me this is an indication that WBC is less about the message and more about getting the world to look at them and to notice them.

This is backed up by the fact that the WBC gets donation from other people who do not like Homosexuality all over the country. The WBC is raking the money in left and right. They'd have to be considering that they were wanting to protest the United Kingdom.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_baptist#Banned_from_entering_the_UK

Yes they were going to fly a protest group across the Atlantic and protest at a cost of $1500 (cheapest I could find) per person round trip. With that sort of expense, they have to be making some money somehow.

So I know that my step-children are upset that this group is being they way that they are. I know that you support the soldiers. I know that you were brought up to not hate anyone based on sex, race, religion, disability, or sexual orientation. I know you're upset that these people hate your Uncle Nax for being gay.

But being upset is what fuels them. What makes them keep on doing what they do. They want you mad. Because by being mad, they hope that you'll do something stupid that they can sue you for. Suing you and winning means that they make tons and tons of money. Suing you and losing means that they still get more media coverage and attention. They want you mad. That way you win.

I'm not mad. I am as calm as I have ever been about a subject. I do not like them, I do not agree with them and what they are doing is very distasteful to me. But I am not mad. If I could go tomorrow, I would just stand there calmly and be a shield. Being calm takes away one of their weapons.

And besides. Being calm when someone is being a douchewaffle only makes them mad. And if they're mad, then they they might make the mistake and we can sue them for a change.

And should anyone from the WBC read this, remember that the same rights that protect you doing what you do also protect me. I have the right to express my opinion. And this is just that, an opinion and nothing more. This is just a theory based what I've seen of your works, your actions and your website.

This is a Constitutionally protected expression of that opinion through Freedom of Speech. If this offends you, tough.

Westboro Baptist Church comes here.

http://somd.com/news/headlines/2010/12807.shtml

This, this is only 30-40 minutes up the road from us. They are going to LaPlata to protest yet another soldier's funeral, blaming all the evils in America on the fact that there is homosexuality. Something that has existed long before there has even been a nation calling itself "America".

Now I'd love to sit here and pick apart this group. I'd love to think of all the bad names that are circulating around in my mind right now. But unlike the scammers and the spammers that hit my e-mail inbox, I will not.

Mostly because that even the full force of my hatred and loathing would fall on deaf ears. And in fact, they would enjoy and welcome it. They use such hatred as fuel for their cause. Anyone who does not agree with them, is part of the rest of the "Godless heathens" that are causing the problem. They use such as reasons to sue people for daring to utilize the same rights of protest as they do.

If it wasn't for the fact that they likely consider masturbation a sin as well, I would think that they get off on it.

So I will just express my Constitutionally protected right to have an opinion and to express it publicly (you know, the same right you Westboro Baptists use) and say "You people are not Christians. You do not follow the teachings of Christ and in fact twist his words and his teachings to fit your own agenda. You have overstepped the bounds of decency, human kindness (you know that whole "Love thy neighbor" that was a commandment from God himself), and dignity. It is my sincerest and most heartfelt hope that one day you will learn how to be decent human beings. But until that day do not expect any kindness from me. One day you will lose a friend or a loved one. I will not protest your funeral. But neither will I offer any kindness towards you.

My wife is going to be going to stand in counter-protest and to be part of the human shield between the family and friends of the fallen soldier and this collection of hate mongers. If I had enough notice I'd be there as well. I'd have taken a leave day at work and been there with my wife and my friends.

Halloween and Haunted Houses

Ok, so you go to an amusement park that is advertising the Halloween Haunt (Kings Dominion in this case).

Key word...haunt.

They have many areas they call "Scare Zones"

Key word...scare

There are haunted attractions with clearly listed levels that they call "Fear Rating"

Key word...fear

So if you are the kind of person who has a really hard time with being scared and do not have the ability to control your actions when scared then why in the name of Zeus's sweaty nut-sack are you doing there?!?


Kings Dominion on Saturday night after they started up the haunt (7pm) had 50-plus incidents where someone got hurt as a result of someone getting scared. 31 of them involved the costumed actors getting injured. Including one poor soul in a costume that can only be best described as the Travelocity Gnome getting REALLY drunk in Vegas and sleeping with a troll. This would have been the love child. He jumps out of the fog and scares a woman who kicks the guy in the crotch very hard. For 45 minutes the security officers were talking to the guy in the costume and to the woman. In the end the County Sheriff's deputies were winding their way through the crowd towards the scene. For the woman and the assault I'm reasonably certain.

Another incident involved me. I was walking through the scare zone trying to catch up with my party that had managed to lose me in the fake fog. A costumed actor jumped out of the fog and a gaggle of girls ran stampeded past through me. I went ass over tea kettle as they shoved me aside over a hay bale. Knees aren't supposed to bend sideways are they? I caught myself before face-planting the asphalt but that tore some muscles in my left shoulder-blade area and so I'm in considerable pain.

Another incident involving me was in the Toxic Sludge haunted house area. Again, a gaggle of women were surrounding this one woman who was so scared that I am honestly amazed (and this is no exaggeration) did not piss herself in the terror. Preppy teenagers in horror movies being chased by weirdos with flesh masks and chainsaws can't act that scared. An actor jumped out and they pressed against the wall so hard that I was being crushed. As we're slowly heading towards the meat locker area (with lovely strobe lighting) again another actor jumped out and the woman in the middle pulled out enough supernatural strength to plow past her friends holding her, and past me. As she past me, she shoved me out of her way and slammed me face first into the wall. Result? Bump on the head, dizzy for a few minutes (although that may have been from waiting for the brain to reboot in a strobe light lit area) and a swelling right eye socket (not the socket itself...the eye was in no danger...but the tissue around the socket).

Again I have to ask. If you are so terrified of places like this, why go there? It's one thing to be a little scared and react to an actor with a start a scream and a giggle afterwards. It's one thing to jump when you're startled and then laugh that the joker "got you". But if your terror is so strong that you will lash out at people you fucking well know are costumed actors (and they announce it ALL THE TIME that they are costumed actors who will NOT TOUCH YOU)...should you really be there? Especially if you're going to beat the shit out of the college kids who are trying to make some extra money. If you are going to be that piss-your-pants scared...STAY HOME DUMBSHIT!

Thirty one poor actors were injured by people like that. Thirty one people were beaten up by people who paid money to be scared by them.

That's the part that really baffles the living fuck out of me. You know that this is their scary bit. You know that Halloween is the time traditionally for scary stuff. You go to the place that is going to run scary shit. You pay money to go and be scared. And then you punish the people who are doing the job that you paid them to do by kicking them in the crotch, punching them in the face, knocking them off of their stilts and stomping them when they are on the ground? Do you bitch-slap your mechanic when he replaces your brake pads? Do you nut-check your dentist when he x-ray's your teeth? Do you push your Cable TV installer down a flight of stairs when he hooks up your internet? Then why the fuck do people assault people who are hired to do what you paid the admission for them to do?

And people wonder about my tagline sometimes. "I never lost my faith in humanity. Can't lose what you never had right?"