Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?!

Chris Sevier, a lawyer in Nashville, TN, is suing Apple for letting him view pornography and causing the end of his marriage.

A fellow member of the Fratching.com web forum (Andara Bledin) summarized the 50-page indictment. And since most don't want to read the whole damn thing I'm posting her summary.

Introduction:

1) Apple is awesome but should think of the children and make all their devices set to safe mode by default and the require that buyers get a code directly from Apple to disable that feature. 

2) Apple should totally do this to avoid a class action suit against them, 'cause they're totally at fault.

3) If they do this, he'll drop the suit.

4) They're in violation of a TN code for which it's clear that they are not in violation because they didn't knowingly allow a minor view porn.

5) Buyers shouldn't have to be responsible for their actions. 

6) Porn is evil and illegal.

7) This isn't in violation of the First Amendment because we all know that porn is "harmful" and all of Apples female employees would support the decision because they're all "mothers, wives, and future spouses." 

8) Parents shouldn't have to take any action at all to protect their kids: Apple should be doing it for them. Without a filter, it's a gateway to harm.

9 Anyone who doesn't agree is "a demonstration" which "proves the necessity for safeguards to protect our hearts." 

10) Apple is to blame because they didn't warn him that there's porn on the Internet. And if it weren't for his Apple product, there's no way he would ever have found porn.

11) Flag-waving histrionics with the first word being "PATRIOTISM" and going on to talk about our "Judeo-Christian values", but says they should make this change because of "science." Because porn is "reprogramming" our outlook on sex with "extreme prejudice."

12) Grandfather died of emphysema because cigarettes weren't marketed as bad, and porn is just like cigarettes, we just don't know it yet.

13) Apple knows there's porn on the internet and sells their product with a browser installed, so it's their fault that he found porn, because he didn't now that there's porn on the internet.

14) He wants Apple to filter all the porn so that until you get a code from Apple, you can't accidentally see any of it while using their products. 

15) Definitions of 'minor' and 'pornography' as relates to the suit.

16) Apple knows that because of porn on the Internet, there's sex trafficking. It didn't happen before porn on the Internet made it happen.

17) Late night infomercials on sex enhancement drugs is all the fault of pornography and Apple knows this. Apple knows that these infomercials are because porn has made it so that red-blooded males can't get off with real women because access to porn broke their boners. Which never happened before there was porn on the Internet.

18) Apple knows there's porn and should have filters in place by default. For the sake of men, families, and communities. 

19) Apple shipping a device that isn't filtered is like a gun maker shipping a loaded weapon.

20) "ALL OF APPLES FEMALE EMPLOYEES SUPPORT THE PLAINTIFF'S DEMAND." No, he didn't actually ask any of them, but he just knows they will. Oh, and Apple is actually the cause of sexual addiction. The porn makers aren't at fault at all.

21) Apple is supporting crime. 

22) Apple has "a duty" to protect women and children who are victims of sex trafficking because you can see porn on the Internet with their devices.

23) Porn makes regular sex boring and causes people to seek out deviate sex, and this is Apple's fault.

24) Apple not putting filters on their devices is like the US government not doing more to prevent "911."

25) Apple should be proactive in protecting our children because nobody should expect their parents to do it themselves. And the 50's were so much better than today. 

26) Deviants who want to be able to view porn will have to be educated by Apple that removing the filter could damage their delicate psyches and they'd have to sign a waiver that they know this. 

27) Porn is dangerous so doesn't deserve any First Amendment protection and nobody like the ACLU should have any problem with my demanding that it be filtered out by default because that's like supporting drug dealers. And if anybody doesn't agree, then they are "opponents of common sense and are very obviously haunted by their own guilt-ridden conscienses in so far as they want to promote a counterproductive agenda of self-absorption and misery, making others feel as lost, distorted, and confused to calculable sanity as they are in self-justifying effort to excuse their personal blindness."

28) Apple should get together with the FBI to kill Backpage.com because people use it to do stuff that is bad because it isn't as sanitized as Craigslist.

29) Filtering the Internet is easy, so Apple should take care of it because people are ignorant and weak.

30) You kill a snake by cutting off its head and porn makers are just the body while device makers are the head. 

Parties:

31) A TN resident over 18.

32) Apple Inc, makers of the Mac computer and Safari browser, among others.

Jurisdiction:

33) It's a federal case because they're in different states and the suit is worth more than $75,000.00.

34) Why the case should have this jurisdiction.

35) More why the case should have this jurisdiction.

Facts:

36) He bought a Mac Book in TN to write music and access the Internet and is going to use this filing to advertise his band.

37) Without a Mac Book, he never ever would have been able to get on the Internet and see porn. 

38) Mac Books come with Safari already installed.

39) Without Apple making his computer not display porn, he couldn't help but seek out porn and become damaged from it.

40) Because he couldn't type Facebook correctly, he ended up on Fuckbook and a host of other sites that allowed him to see porn which overcame his ability to resist because he's a weak male.

41) Porn gave him "arousal addiction" which is bad for his life.

42) Porn made him prefer "cyber beauties" to his wife and she subsequently "abducted his son and disappeared" which is all Apple's fault for not selling their computer "on 'safe mode'."

43) Before buying a Macbook, he'd never seen a pornographic image in his entire life.

44) Before buying a Macbook, he'd never visited a strip club or sex shop in his entire life.

45) Viewing porn on the Internet with his Macbook made him depressed and unable to work.

46) Viewing porn has made it so that he has to have counseling.

47) If Apple can sell a computer with a browser on it, then it should be easy to sell a browser that blocks all porn.

48) It's totally reasonable to expect Apple to protect people from porn, because governments protect people from porn.

49) Nobody at the Apple store ever told him there was porn on the Internet, so all subsequent damage is their fault because cigarettes and alcohol have to have warning labels.

50) Apple knows there's porn on the Internet and what if he'd been a teen alone in a room? 

51) Men have hormones and can't possibly be expected to restrain themselves in the face of porn on the Internet.

52) People shouldn't have to be responsible for avoiding porn on their own.

53) 37% of all websites have porn on them, so Apple should protect us from porn.

54) Porn is just like alcohol.

55) Everybody should boycott Apple and everyone else who doesn't protect them from porn.

56) Things were better in the '50s before the Internet and the ACLU when we all prayed in schools and believed in God. 

57) The demand for filters is totally reasonable and Apple should do what he wants right away.

58) We have to protect women from becoming secret porn stars.

59) Males can't help themselves when it comes to porn, so Apple has to protect them.

60) Internet porn was so exciting that it was impossible for him to function in real life, and Apple should have protected him.

61) Porn made him aware that his wife wasn't as pretty or young as porn stars which is why his marriage failed, and it's Apple's fault that he realized this.

62) Apple knows that Internet porn is worse than print porn.

63) The court knows that sex criminals get started by looking at porn, so they should hold Apple responsible for not filtering the Internet.

64) Requiring filtering the Internet by default would totally help the "bricks' and mortar" porn industry, so they should support him.

65) Free Internet porn is bad for the economy because it's free. 

66) Apple needs to have filters to prevent "accidental arousal addiction." 

67) Porn leads to sex crimes, so not filtering the Internet puts the lives of innocents and law enforcement at risk.

68) It's all Apple's responsibility to not let those evil porn makers have access to innocent males who can't control their urges.

69) Because people can access porn in private because of the Internet, the world is a worse place and Apple should use a filter like governments use zoning laws to keep those places away from regular folks.

70) Use of the Apple product hurt him directly because it didn't protect him from Internet porn.

71) There is a nearly 3:1 ratio for porn movies to Hollywood films which proves porn is bad and it's Apple's fault he could view any of them.

72) Men are wired to love porn and too weak to resist it, so Apple should proactively protect them from it.

73) He doesn't smoke, do drugs, or drink too much. 

74) Porn is an internal addiction while drugs are an external addiction. 

75) He was a vet in a place that outlawed porn, and he doesn't want that to happen. He just wants to force Apple to protect everybody from it.

76) He doesn't want to legislate morality, but Apple has to protect men so they can enjoy the God-given gift that is marital sex.

77) Forcing Apple to have filters is the same as making MacDonald's tell people what was in the food they sold.

78) Apple should totally employ Philip Zimbardo to write up their notice. (he co-wrote a book that blames video games and porn for nerds)

79) It's impossible to really regulate porn sites, but the court can write laws so that Apple can do just that.

80) Apple should filter the internet to save marriages and society.

81) This request doesn't place any burden on Apple and moreover isn't countered by the First Amendment.

82) Yes, this request really doesn't place any burden on Apple.

83) Any inability to exercise restraint is an addiction and it's Apple's fault he has one because they didn't protect him from porn on the Internet.

84) Device makers are enabling arousal addiction by not filtering the Internet.

85) His brain was "digitally rewired" by internet porn.

86) 13% of all searches are for porn, so obviously people need to think of the children and filter the Internet.

87) He mailed a letter to Apple threatening to file a lawsuit if they didn't filter the Internet. He gave them 10 days to respond.

Count One Fraudulent Misprepresentation

88) Everything that was said before.

89) Apple intentionally failed to warn him that there is porn on the Internet.

90) Because they didn't protect him from porn on the Internet, he was hurt by porn on the Internet.

91) Yes, he was hurt because Apple didn't protect him from porn on the Internet.

Count Two Products Liability

92) Apple made the device that could be used to view porn on the Internet, so they broke some TN laws, because porn on the Internet is dangerous.

93) Apple didn't filter the Internet on it's devices, and porn is dangerous, so they're at fault for any injuries from porn on the Internet.

94) Not warning about porn on the Internet or blocking it makes the devices dangerous or defective, which is a violation of TN laws.

95) Apple sold a device that could access Internet porn and failed to warn consumers that Internet porn is harmful.

96) Not having a filter makes a Macbook unsafe.

97) His being harmed by Internet porn is all Apple's fault.

Outrageous Conduct and Infliction of Emotional Distress

98) Everything said before.

99) Apple knew that he could accidentally find porn on the Internet.

100) Apple knew that the damage from Internet porn would be detrimental to his life.

101) It would be easy for Apple to filter the Internet and require people to unlock their devices if they wanted to see porn.

102) It's all Apple's fault he saw porn on the Internet.

103) Apple knew porn was bad and that he would be harmed if he found it and did nothing to stop it.

104) It's Apple's fault, so they have to do something about it.

Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress

105) Everything said before.

106) Apple was negligent for selling him something that would hurt him.

107) Apple was bad for providing a device that was dangerous without warning.

108) His addiction and subsequent health issues are all Apple's fault.

109) How badly Apple hurt him by allowing him to find porn on the Internet should be determined at trial.

110) Wherefore

1) He demands an immediate injunction to prevent any more dangerous Apple devices be sold without warnings and filters in place.

2) He demands that Apple donate to a handful of religious-based charities that protect people from sex-related crimes because it's their fault they happen because they allow people to find porn on the Internet.

3) He demands $75,010.00 for everything because it has to be over $75,000.00 to automatically be a federal case. Oh, and because it's Apple's fault he became addicted to porn on the Internet.


4) He demands that Apple issue a statement that Internet porn (oh, and video games, too) are bad for men all over the world. Because some guys from Stanford wrote a book that explained how his problems were totally not his own fault.

This is a classic case of Bat-Shit-Crazy here.