Oh yeah...Bleed sexy fer daddy! fapfapfapfap

A new scammer. This one attempting to claim to know my family.

Yes I lied a bit, but if he can lie his ass off to me...so I can to him. After all, there is no real way either of us can verify each other's claims.

I am Barrister David Dinesh Mathew , an attorney at law. A deceased client of mine , that shares  the same last name as yours died as the result of a heart-related condition on March  12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family  in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia . And in the  record there is no known successor to this deposit of the deceased who died without a  will. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake.

I can be reached on (  philip5ca1981@gmail.com ) for more information. My late Client  has a deposit of Seventeen Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars ( US$ 17.500,000) left behind.

Best regards,

Barrister David Dinesh Mathew

Attorney AT Law

TEL: 011 601 72718538  or   +601 72718538

My reply...

Sir, I am going to have to call shenanigans on this...rather laughable story of yours.

To start off, there is the fact that you are showing two e-mail addresses. One which you claim to be yours, and one which you wish to me to contact you by. Neither of these is anything even remotely resembling your "real name" and both of these are at free e-mail providers. Neither of these fits what one would consider to be a "professional" address. Something like "DDMathew@[insert name of law firm here].com as an example.

Secondly, Let me tell you a little something about my family. We came from Ireland at the turn of the century. ALL of us. There are no members of my family left in Ireland at all. No one in my family moved to Sumatra. There were no members of my clan in Indonesia at the time of the disaster, nor at any point in history.

No one, never there, never will be.

Thirdly, We are a VERY close knit family. If there is someone with my last name, we know them. They are either a blood relation or a relation via marriage. So when someone is born, we all come and see. There are so many members of my family that the mother can hand the kid off to someone and it will take 72 hours before the kid comes back to his mothers arms. If someone dies we throw an Irish wake of such proportions that we often put the children of the local liquor stores through college from all the booze we buy.

So if someone drops of a heart attack, we'd know about it. If this "poor bastard" had an entire branch of our clan die out from under him, the rest of us would help him out. He. Would. Not. Have. Died. Alone.

No one in our family has died alone with the notable exception of one person back in WWII who was a Flying Tiger volunteer who was shot down over Rangoon and never seen again.

Finally, nice try you table-scrap pilfering grabass. I am not a moron like so many of my countrymen are. After all if they weren't this gullible, you would find other ways of making money. Perhaps something honest.

Hope you contract one of the many hemorrhagic fevers that plague your country (after all, most of these scams come from Africa and the likelyhood you are as well). The thought of you bleeding out of every pore in your body as you slowly slip into the madness of a fever induced deliruim will help me keep my erection when I masturbate tonight.

Yes I get off on the suffering of others. Especially scammers like you.

Tá m'árthach foluaineach lán d'eascanna

Tá m'árthach foluaineach lán d'eascanna


This is going to be my motto in the SCA now that I'm back. Yes it's in Irish Gaelic and yes it's hard to pronounce. And here's a kicker for you...It's a bit anachronistic.


So you know it's going to piss off a few SCAdians. You know, the ones that are period authenticity enthusiasts. We used to call them "Period Nazi's" until they started kvetching about it and saying that it was offensive.


By the way, no shit Sherlock. There was a reason you were offended. We wanted to offend you since you were so fucking obnoxious to us to start with. Offended? Good. Mission accomplished.


Anyway, why would I choose a motto that is anachronistic and well outside of period? Why should I make a banner to hang in my camp that has this motto that will undoubtedly attract the ire and loathing of those formerly known as "Period Nazi's"?


Because the motto exists to remind me that above all, that the SCA must remain fun. It reminds me that there are many different levels of participation in the SCA. That there are the weekend warriors who come out for the fun of clubbing their enemies like baby harp seals and sharing a drink with them while telling many great lies of battle. That there are the ones who play because they want to learn about an art or a science that existed in the middle ages. That there are people who want to live the life as authentically as possible (and not be the Period Nazi douchwaffles that I complain about on a regular basis). 


It is there to remind me that Society Politics are something to be avoided. That if I run afoul of people who really trip my "Bad Vibes" alarm, I should avoid them before I get embroiled in their world of snide remarks, rumor spreading, hateful comments and back-stabbing.


Yes this will be my motto. It will be on my banners at my encampments. It will be proudly displayed in all of my correspondence. Anyone who wishes to hang out with me at events and sit under my banner will have the motto explained to them and will be asked to follow what it stands for.


What does it say you are now no doubt wondering? What is the message that these Gaelic words spread to the world at large?


It says, "My hovercraft is full of eels."


Need more of an explanation? Watch this. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6D1YI-41ao