As Ron White says "You can't cure stupid"

I could not help but be amused by this article that's been getting a lot of press lately.

There is the woman who tried to hire a hitman to find her husband and shuffle loose his mortal coil. They need to add another charge on top of 'conspiracy to commit murder' but sadly 'conspiracy to be a complete brain-dead moron' is not an actionable offense.

This woman was trying to buy a hit for $5,000. Yes, a paltry five grand and her husband would go home to Jesus just like the contents of my fridge after Irene took out the power for a fucking week.

The article states that she was arrested in an 2011 Audi Convertible. Audi only has a few convertible models for this year...

• TT Roadster - $41,300
• A5 Cabriolet - $42,600
• TTS Roadster - $$50,000
• S5 Cabriolet - $59,000 
• R8 Spyder - $127,700

Now even at the cheapest you're looking at just shy of $42k's worth of car. No hitman is going to look at that and think "Yeah, I'll give her a discount". They are going to look the mark over and say "Flash car, must have money, should try for as much money as I can go for".

After all, the hitman is risking his own life and/or freedom if he gets caught. They are not going to sell their life cheaply.

And yes I do know that there have been people who have asked $5,000 (and less in some cases) for their services, but odds are that the person doing the hiring was in a clapped out Chevy Nova or something. Not something that screams "I have money so I can be an entitled douchebag and you unwashed masses should be glad I am willing to share the planet with you."

So when a hitman offers offers 5g's to off your husband...didn't that scream "TRAP"?

There are no coupons, there are no "Free Twatwaffle Tuesdays", there is no kill one get the other at half price.

Any hitman (real hitmen) would look at the car and the offer of the "Limited Edition 2011 Harley Davidson Motorcycle" and would make the opening offer at $50k and likely negotiate down as low as $35k if the person was good at bargaining.

Oh well, you can't fix stupid.