Dear sir,
You are attempting to sell me these pills that which if they do as you advertise them to do, would double the size of my penis when I take just one of these pills.
Further research into the nature of the offer you're giving me is that for the low low price of $50 (after all, how could one put a price on increased manhood and sexual prowess) you give me a bottle with 50 pills.
A dollar per pill for a bigger tallywhacker seems to be a good deal...at first glance.
But the truth of it is, you really cannot take all of these pills. Because as advertised (and you make no claims other than "take one pill and double the size of your penis") every pill I take doubles the current size of my Johnson.
This means that by the time I've taken the 6th pill, I'm having to have sex from across the bedroom having by that time an eleven foot penis (10.67 feet based on the average length of 4 inches for the male human phallus).
By the 9th one, one of us is going to have to stand outside of the trailer (85.33 feet and sadly our trailer is a 14x70)
By the 20th pill, we're in two different counties (33.1 miles)
With the 32th pill, We can be in the same bed again...but only after I've wrapped it around the world 4 times (135573.46 miles)
With the 41st pill I can shag her while she's on the surface of the Planet Mercury (.75 Astronomical Units)
With the 49th pill, I can fuck my wife while she's on a StarShip just at the the heilopause on the "downwind" side of the sun which is 200 AU's distant
Pill 50 gives me a dick that is 35,539,769,786.7 miles long or 382.33 times the distance from the Sun to the Earth. Yes, this means that if I were to turn on a laser pen placed just under my balls, it would take 45 minutes for the LIGHT to reach the end of my pecker.
So in truth, selling me more than one pill is a waste. Either that, or your products advertising is not very...truthful.
Good day and please refrain from sending me any more penis enlargement ads. My wife and I are both quite happy with the size of Mr. Happy thank you.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Well I think I broke some poor guy's brain.
In my household and cadre of friends, the phrase "Broke his/her brain" stems from all the times one of us will say something so outrageous that we are at a loss to respond to it. This also works when we show someone a movie, television show, or YouTube or other video clip that is so over the top that again one has a complete inability to respond to it.
It's when we have them in that state that we refer to it as having broken their brain.
In this case however, I saw someone wearing a tinfoil hat. Yes, this person was totally convinced that the government was trying to beam signals into their head to control their thoughts. He was attempting to convince the store clerk that he wasn't a nut and that the tinfoil hat really works. The guy then saw me and tried to get my opinion.
I gave it.
I said that the concept of a tinfoil hat does have some merit and a basis in scientific fact. One could take aluminum foil and encase an object and could create a Faraday Cage. Something that the United States uses for really secure computer sites as no signal can get in nor can a signal get out. This was really important for them back in the days of the older CRT (Cathode Ray Tube or TV-like monitors) monitors where it is possible to take the signals that the monitor is throwing off and use it to reconstitute what is being displayed on the screen.
But a true Faraday Cage needs to be enclosed on all sides and needs to be grounded. The signal hitting it needs to be send via ground to prevent the signal from getting through. Now a tinfoil hat won't work because it's not grounded nor it is completely enclosing the head.
The man argued with me and I countered. "If you take your foil off, what shape is it in?" to which he replied that it was in the shape of a bowl. "What shape is a satellite dish?" I then asked him. Again he said that it was in the shape of a bowl. As he said that, a look of dawning realization was forming on his face.
I pressed on with my train of reasoning. I further asked "What is the purpose of the bowl shape on a satellite dish?" and he gave the correct response and stated that it was to reflect the signal to a central point. Still further I pressed, asking "And where would be the focal point of the signal?"
I got no response, just more concern.
I then drove the final nail home by saying "You know. If *I* were the government and I wanted to get signals to the brain, I'd have some people act like they were a group trying to act against the government so people would follow the advice of making tinfoil hats and thus in reality help the government beam the signals into their own heads."
Mr. Brain broke and the guy screamed and ran out the door, one hand tearing off his tinfoil hat, the other still clutching the new box of foil he had in his hand when the conversation started.
The clerk and I busted out laughing for a steady 5 minutes before he looked at me and said "You know, he hadn't paid for that foil yet." I handed him two dollars and said "It was worth it."
It's when we have them in that state that we refer to it as having broken their brain.
In this case however, I saw someone wearing a tinfoil hat. Yes, this person was totally convinced that the government was trying to beam signals into their head to control their thoughts. He was attempting to convince the store clerk that he wasn't a nut and that the tinfoil hat really works. The guy then saw me and tried to get my opinion.
I gave it.
I said that the concept of a tinfoil hat does have some merit and a basis in scientific fact. One could take aluminum foil and encase an object and could create a Faraday Cage. Something that the United States uses for really secure computer sites as no signal can get in nor can a signal get out. This was really important for them back in the days of the older CRT (Cathode Ray Tube or TV-like monitors) monitors where it is possible to take the signals that the monitor is throwing off and use it to reconstitute what is being displayed on the screen.
But a true Faraday Cage needs to be enclosed on all sides and needs to be grounded. The signal hitting it needs to be send via ground to prevent the signal from getting through. Now a tinfoil hat won't work because it's not grounded nor it is completely enclosing the head.
The man argued with me and I countered. "If you take your foil off, what shape is it in?" to which he replied that it was in the shape of a bowl. "What shape is a satellite dish?" I then asked him. Again he said that it was in the shape of a bowl. As he said that, a look of dawning realization was forming on his face.
I pressed on with my train of reasoning. I further asked "What is the purpose of the bowl shape on a satellite dish?" and he gave the correct response and stated that it was to reflect the signal to a central point. Still further I pressed, asking "And where would be the focal point of the signal?"
I got no response, just more concern.
I then drove the final nail home by saying "You know. If *I* were the government and I wanted to get signals to the brain, I'd have some people act like they were a group trying to act against the government so people would follow the advice of making tinfoil hats and thus in reality help the government beam the signals into their own heads."
The clerk and I busted out laughing for a steady 5 minutes before he looked at me and said "You know, he hadn't paid for that foil yet." I handed him two dollars and said "It was worth it."
Monday, January 18, 2010
Nigerian Scammer Fun
For this type of spam/scam I get, I like to reply to the person by going paragraph by paragraph and answering their comments individually. Their comments are italicized while my comments are normal.
Request For Foreign Partner
Dear Sir,
I sincerely write to seek your co-operation and trust to enable my colleagues and I carry out an urgent business opportunity in my department.
Your country has openly called my country and all its residents a lot of not-so-nice names and accused of many many bad things. Frankly I’m not even sure that the most popular one screamed at us whilst burning one of our flags is even possible with a sheep…but as it’s the sentiment that counts I’ll not split hairs.
I work with the Union Bank of Nigeria PLC; currently I am the senior manager of bills and exchange at the foreign remittance department of my bank. I was the account officer to one Mr. Ali B. Ashraf who died along with his family on the 8th of November 2001 in an ADC Boeing 727 plane crash at Egirin River. All 141 passengers on board were feared dead.
Funny, Airsafe.com does not mention a 727 crash in 2001 at all We go from April 1998 to January 2002. If you’re going to try and scam me, at least do some research for Christ’s sake. I mean I found 7 lists of Boeing 727 crashes in 30 seconds on google.com. It’s the internet. Try learning to use it for something more than masturbating to porn and scamming hapless idiots out of their money. There are many legitimate ways to make money off the internet…I suggest you learn at least one of them.
He left in his domiciliary account the total sum…
Trying to make yourself sound intelligent? Please! Next time try “His home account” or “his personal account.” Hell half the twits that you send this to will look at the word “domiciliary” and be confused by it.
…of $15.5million Fifteen million five hundred thousand USA Dollars.
Why in the hell is everyone using US (not USA) Dollars? Don’t you know that the Dollar is worth less than the paper I use to wipe my ass after three bowls of three-alarm chilli? Do you people not mint your own money? I’m sure if you give some crayons to everyone in your country who is involved in scamming people, you could make some.
Since the management got the information of his death we have been expecting any of his relation or his next of kin to come up and claim his money.
Ever try calling his home? Ever try looking up birth records? Give me 30 minutes access to your countries archives and I’m sure I could find out not only who they are, where they live, but odds are I could tell you what they had for breakfast this morning.
Unfortunately from the day of his death till the time of this letter none of his relation or friends has come up for the claim. The banking and financial law of Union bank of Nigeria Plc stipulates that if such fund remained unclaimed after it will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.
Astonishing! You actually use the name of a real bank. That is so refreshing after all the idiots pulling fake bank names out of their ass.
On this discovery sir, I and two other senior staffs now decided to do business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin to Ali B. Ashraf for safety and subsequent disbursement. I will soon proceed for my retirement leave this year, and I personally do not want this fund to be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. That is why I wanted the fund to be move out of the bank before I proceed on my retirement from the banking services by December 15th 2003.
So what you’re telling me is that you’re a greedy bastard who is willing to commit fraud to get your hands on money that belongs to this (fictitious) person or his (equally fictitious) next of kin or to the bank you work for AND are willing to get me involved. Buddy I was scared shitless after dealing with a traffic violation. There is no way in heaven, hell or worse…New Jersey that I’m going to involve myself in fraud.
The need for a foreigner as next of kin in this project is occasioned by the fact that the customer Mr. Ali Ashraf was a foreigner and a Nigerian cannot stand as his next of kin or heir. We have agreed that 20% of the Fund would be for you as foreign partner; thereafter my colleague and I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated.
Well why the hell not? A name like Ashraf is likely to be a swarthy olive skinned person of Middle Eastern decent. If the bank is going to accept a White American boy of obviously Irish decent as his next of kin, then the odds are equally likely for it to be a dark skinned person such as one would commonly find in Nigeria. Hell it’s even more likely since you are a hell of a lot closer than East Podunk Rural America where half of the people out here still are having a hard time with banging the rocks together for fire much less how to use the internet (Tha’ Thar Interweb thingie).
To enable the immediate transfer of the fund into your nominated account, you will first apply to the bank as the next of kin of the deceased, indicating your bank account number and location wherein the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your acknowledgement indicating your interest, I will send to you the text of the application that you will send to the Union Bank authority for an approval to submit your claims.
There you go again with the false intelligent sounding bull crap. “Nominated Account” Sounds like it’s up for an academy award or something. Most bankers use the phrase “Account of your choice”. “It’s better to sit in silence and be thought of as a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt”
Send your reply through my direct and private email address (edwarduwa@zwallet.com) indicates your direct Fax and telephone numbers for effective communication that this transaction needs. Do not reply through the union bank email address because it's belonged to the senior staffs for public use.
So…why is your address off of a server in New York instead of your own country? You know…a domain that is flagged by hundreds of sites as a popular hangout for table-scrap pilfering grabass scammers like yourself. Google is a wonderful thing for me and I’m sure by now, a serious dick in your ass.
Please note that you are not to appear in person, as every thing regarding this project will be strictly on documentations and every banking documents needed for this transaction will be taken care of by my self.
What is to stop me from taking the forms you give me and doing it myself and cutting out the middleman? Oh yeah, right! The fact that this is a scam! But for the sake of argument, let’s pretend that this is real. What would stop me, “Dishonest American Scum” (which is rich with the fact that scams like this seem to be your country’s greatest export) from metaphorically bending you over a barrel and anally violating you with a particularly large agave cactus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agave_cactus), taking all the money and moving somewhere in the Bahamas?
Looking forward to urgently hearing from you.
Do me a favor. Hold your breath until I contact you again. It might take me a while so I suggest a sink, some wire around your neck and turning on the taps. We wouldn’t want you to cheat now would we?
Request For Foreign Partner
Dear Sir,
I sincerely write to seek your co-operation and trust to enable my colleagues and I carry out an urgent business opportunity in my department.
Your country has openly called my country and all its residents a lot of not-so-nice names and accused of many many bad things. Frankly I’m not even sure that the most popular one screamed at us whilst burning one of our flags is even possible with a sheep…but as it’s the sentiment that counts I’ll not split hairs.
I work with the Union Bank of Nigeria PLC; currently I am the senior manager of bills and exchange at the foreign remittance department of my bank. I was the account officer to one Mr. Ali B. Ashraf who died along with his family on the 8th of November 2001 in an ADC Boeing 727 plane crash at Egirin River. All 141 passengers on board were feared dead.
Funny, Airsafe.com does not mention a 727 crash in 2001 at all We go from April 1998 to January 2002. If you’re going to try and scam me, at least do some research for Christ’s sake. I mean I found 7 lists of Boeing 727 crashes in 30 seconds on google.com. It’s the internet. Try learning to use it for something more than masturbating to porn and scamming hapless idiots out of their money. There are many legitimate ways to make money off the internet…I suggest you learn at least one of them.
He left in his domiciliary account the total sum…
Trying to make yourself sound intelligent? Please! Next time try “His home account” or “his personal account.” Hell half the twits that you send this to will look at the word “domiciliary” and be confused by it.
…of $15.5million Fifteen million five hundred thousand USA Dollars.
Why in the hell is everyone using US (not USA) Dollars? Don’t you know that the Dollar is worth less than the paper I use to wipe my ass after three bowls of three-alarm chilli? Do you people not mint your own money? I’m sure if you give some crayons to everyone in your country who is involved in scamming people, you could make some.
Since the management got the information of his death we have been expecting any of his relation or his next of kin to come up and claim his money.
Ever try calling his home? Ever try looking up birth records? Give me 30 minutes access to your countries archives and I’m sure I could find out not only who they are, where they live, but odds are I could tell you what they had for breakfast this morning.
Unfortunately from the day of his death till the time of this letter none of his relation or friends has come up for the claim. The banking and financial law of Union bank of Nigeria Plc stipulates that if such fund remained unclaimed after it will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.
Astonishing! You actually use the name of a real bank. That is so refreshing after all the idiots pulling fake bank names out of their ass.
On this discovery sir, I and two other senior staffs now decided to do business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin to Ali B. Ashraf for safety and subsequent disbursement. I will soon proceed for my retirement leave this year, and I personally do not want this fund to be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. That is why I wanted the fund to be move out of the bank before I proceed on my retirement from the banking services by December 15th 2003.
So what you’re telling me is that you’re a greedy bastard who is willing to commit fraud to get your hands on money that belongs to this (fictitious) person or his (equally fictitious) next of kin or to the bank you work for AND are willing to get me involved. Buddy I was scared shitless after dealing with a traffic violation. There is no way in heaven, hell or worse…New Jersey that I’m going to involve myself in fraud.
The need for a foreigner as next of kin in this project is occasioned by the fact that the customer Mr. Ali Ashraf was a foreigner and a Nigerian cannot stand as his next of kin or heir. We have agreed that 20% of the Fund would be for you as foreign partner; thereafter my colleague and I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated.
Well why the hell not? A name like Ashraf is likely to be a swarthy olive skinned person of Middle Eastern decent. If the bank is going to accept a White American boy of obviously Irish decent as his next of kin, then the odds are equally likely for it to be a dark skinned person such as one would commonly find in Nigeria. Hell it’s even more likely since you are a hell of a lot closer than East Podunk Rural America where half of the people out here still are having a hard time with banging the rocks together for fire much less how to use the internet (Tha’ Thar Interweb thingie).
To enable the immediate transfer of the fund into your nominated account, you will first apply to the bank as the next of kin of the deceased, indicating your bank account number and location wherein the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your acknowledgement indicating your interest, I will send to you the text of the application that you will send to the Union Bank authority for an approval to submit your claims.
There you go again with the false intelligent sounding bull crap. “Nominated Account” Sounds like it’s up for an academy award or something. Most bankers use the phrase “Account of your choice”. “It’s better to sit in silence and be thought of as a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt”
Send your reply through my direct and private email address (edwarduwa@zwallet.com) indicates your direct Fax and telephone numbers for effective communication that this transaction needs. Do not reply through the union bank email address because it's belonged to the senior staffs for public use.
So…why is your address off of a server in New York instead of your own country? You know…a domain that is flagged by hundreds of sites as a popular hangout for table-scrap pilfering grabass scammers like yourself. Google is a wonderful thing for me and I’m sure by now, a serious dick in your ass.
Please note that you are not to appear in person, as every thing regarding this project will be strictly on documentations and every banking documents needed for this transaction will be taken care of by my self.
What is to stop me from taking the forms you give me and doing it myself and cutting out the middleman? Oh yeah, right! The fact that this is a scam! But for the sake of argument, let’s pretend that this is real. What would stop me, “Dishonest American Scum” (which is rich with the fact that scams like this seem to be your country’s greatest export) from metaphorically bending you over a barrel and anally violating you with a particularly large agave cactus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agave_cactus), taking all the money and moving somewhere in the Bahamas?
Looking forward to urgently hearing from you.
Do me a favor. Hold your breath until I contact you again. It might take me a while so I suggest a sink, some wire around your neck and turning on the taps. We wouldn’t want you to cheat now would we?
A Yahoo Answers twit.
So I'm a member of Yahoo Answers and I'm pretty active on it. I'm level five with over 5,000 points to my name. It's something I love to do since people do have questions about things that I'm knowledgeable about and I like giving advice.
Sadly there are times when the person is just being a twit. People who want other people to name their fishy, or someone who has a cat actively bleeding from being hit by a car and instead of the vet, they're hoping that someone can suggest some holistic approach to patching that liver laceration.
Most likely it's someone just being a twit...at least I hope so.
But I had this gem come across in the computer section. Someone was asking about this hypothetical virus that was undetectible, could morph itself into a text file to hide itself, and a number of Hollywood-esq features that couldn't possibly exist with today's level of programming. So I answered it to allay the fears of the person.
Little did I know that the asker of the questions was fishing around for someone that he could test this virus on.
He contacted me in a private message. Now Yahoo Answers doesn't allow one member to e-mail the other directly. This protects the e-mail (quite sensibly I think) of everyone involved and prevents people doing nasty things if they didn't like an answer. Which happens all too frequently.
His message...
Idiots.
Sadly there are times when the person is just being a twit. People who want other people to name their fishy, or someone who has a cat actively bleeding from being hit by a car and instead of the vet, they're hoping that someone can suggest some holistic approach to patching that liver laceration.
Most likely it's someone just being a twit...at least I hope so.
But I had this gem come across in the computer section. Someone was asking about this hypothetical virus that was undetectible, could morph itself into a text file to hide itself, and a number of Hollywood-esq features that couldn't possibly exist with today's level of programming. So I answered it to allay the fears of the person.
Little did I know that the asker of the questions was fishing around for someone that he could test this virus on.
He contacted me in a private message. Now Yahoo Answers doesn't allow one member to e-mail the other directly. This protects the e-mail (quite sensibly I think) of everyone involved and prevents people doing nasty things if they didn't like an answer. Which happens all too frequently.
His message...
I have the virus I was talking about.Well I was bored as I often am with my sleep schedule. I work nights and as such I tend to keep to that sleep pattern on the weekends so I'm awake when everyone else is asleep. Being bored I replied back.
Give me your messenger id if you want to test if your computer and antiviruses can stop this virus
Well you did ask as to how I would defend myself against the hypothetical virus you mentioned.He didn't seem to like that very much and the next day I got this in my e-mail
Well, here's yet another way.
I'm not so stupid as to give you a messenger ID name (even if I did use IM programs...which I do not) so this prevents me from getting viruses from that vector.
Secondly, I'm not so moronic as to give anyone out there a vector to get a virus into my computer when they out and out tell me that they are going to put one into my system.
I've been in IT for 15 years, make my career out of it. It's what puts food on the table and a roof over the heads of me, my wife and out three children. You don't make as much money as me by being a 'tard.
You want to test this virus on me? Find me. Hack into my computer. Frankly a script-kiddie like you couldn't hack a turd out of your own colon without mommy giving you an enema.
So I feel safe from you and your attempts at passing "the virus of the millennium" (which in reality is likely to be at worst a variant of an existing virus with your payload-script loaded into it).
You are like a kicking-dog, barking at the Bull Mastiff on the sidewalk while you're safely behind the fence. As long as the anonymous internet stands between us, you feel safe to act big and bad and "133+".
When in reality you are, have always been, and will likely be forevermore a worthless and pathetic loser without any real social skills, no chance to ever enjoy the intimate company of a woman.
Bark away little kicking dog, bark away.
Hey, no need to insult me. I am a devout follower of God, I don't try to hack into anyone's computer or to infect anyone unless I get a real benefit.Now this was funny to me. His evil virus supreme is nothing more than a commonly distributed virus that you can load any number of pre-packaged script payloads and is detected by even the most half-assed antiviral programs on the market. Being a Linux Box (Ubuntu 9.10) there wouldn't even be a chance of the darn thing running on my computer.
So I was not going to infect your computer with my 294 bytes HTA trojan. I have created a removal tool for this trojan so it was safe for you and me to test this self-hiding virus of mine into our computer. I have tested it 10 times on my computer and removed it and it's files from my computer with my removal tool. Don't be afraid of my virus; is not dangerous unless you don't use the removal tool.
And is not true what you have said about me. I am in love with a girl and I am very romantic, contrary to your belief. The girl I'm in love with has already a boyfriend. That was before I met her. But my poems to her, the music I listen proves me very romantic. I would give my life for that girl
Now this chap must have been hovering over his computer waiting for my response since I got this back within 10 minutes.
First of all, why are you bringing God into this conversation? I certainly did not. But since you did, let me state for the record that I am Wiccan. Please refrain from the usual "You're going to Hell" speech. It's your hell, you burn in it.
Secondly. I love that " I don't try to hack into anyone's computer or to infect anyone unless I get a real benefit." bit. Does that mean that you don't rob banks unless you get a real benefit? That you don't rape women unless you get a real benefit? In a sense you're undermining your own position by stating that you do not commit any criminal activity...unless there is something in it for you. Real Christian of you. Even Jesus Christ (that guy you call your savior) told his followers that you need to follow the secular laws of the land.
Thirdly. You're trying to impress me with your "mad programming skillz" by telling me that you're fiddling around with a HLA Downloader Trojan? Something that Symantec considers a "low risk" infection? Please! That's like a terrorist trying to hold a city for ransom by stating that unless their demands are met, he'll shatter the vial he's holding and unleash a plague of "Head Cold" upon the city.
You're threatening me with what is at best...AT BEST...a case of the sniffles.
Not to mention that the HLA Downloaders explot Windows' weaknesses. THIS...IS...LINUX! (couldn't resist the "300" reference...sorry)
But in all seriousness, you need to gain access to the Root account password of my computer in order to install anything. If I want to install Adobe Flash Player for Firefox on my system, (yes something as trivial as that) I have to run the sudo (Super User DO) command and input the root password which is 46 to the power of 14 possible combinations or a buttload of passwords that would take you more time in the world to figure out that there are seconds in your life.
So "don't be afraid of your virus"? Please. I'm more afraid of the Large Hadron Collider generating a micro black hole that would consume the planet whole. Something that has odds of 1 in a really large number that is so big that I'd fill this yahoo reply box just with all the freaking zeros...than I am of your virus.
And again as for your "girl" (which may or may not be inflatable) I'd be more impressed if you had simply stated that you had a girl. Trying to convince a married man and a father of three of your romantic prowess just strikes me as the pathetic imaginings of someone who wouldn't know what to do with a woman if one sat on your face. For that matter I'm not 100% certain that you're old enough to have had both of your testicles drop.
At best you are a "script-kiddie" playing with pre-packaged scripts and pre-written virus kits trying to impress the world with skills you do not have. It's like someone who learned how to change a tire claiming that they are a Nascar-level mechanic. At worse you're a child with nothing better to do on a weekend than to try to impress people who have seen it all and are bored of it.
In either case, grow up, get a real life, and stop trying to play with the big dogs before one decides that you're actually worth picking out of their teeth.
Followed up by my final comments before blocking his sorry butt.
Why insult me? What have I done to you?
Why not speak civilized
Every teacher from my school says of me I am intelligent... that even they don't know to make the sites and write the programs I write
(I really don't believe them)
And my IQ is 119.
And I have declared war against humanity for 6 months December 2005 - August 2006.
I have hacked into some video servers of FBI.
Videos with criminals being interrogated.
And I have stolen products from supermarkets without being caught when I was still a sinner
May the Wiccan dark magical Force be with your enemies!
I also reported him to Yahoo Answers since the threat of sending malicious code is possibly illegal and at least against Yahoo's Terms of Service.
Why insult you? You insulted me by wanting to throw malicious code into my computer.
What have you done to me? You wanted to throw malicious code into my computer.
Why not speak civilized? Actually I have. Compared to the average user of the internet, I am William Shakespeare. I do not lace my comments with vulgarities and profanity for profanity's sake. I never once used the "F-Word" or any of the other words banned for on-air usage on Primetime broadcasting. I also take the time to use proper grammar (or at least grammar that is a level of magnitude better than the average internet user). I make good use of my spell checker and make a honest attempt to double check my spelling.
This right here makes me a thousand time more civilized than the average internet user with their "133+ 5p3@|<", "lolz" and "omg rotflmao" laced texts and tweets which proves to the world that the public education system's English program was a sad and tragic waste of time and resources.
You come from a school system that is teaching children (and I jolly well knew you were a child) how to pass Standardized Placement Tests and not the material. If you pass the test they claim you are intelligent when in reality you are just demonstrating that you can repeat what has been drilled into your head. Yawn. Chimpanzees can do this. The only advantage between chimps and humans is that humans fling less poo.
And don't try to compare brain power. I'm a member of Mensa and have been since 1989. Your 119 would get you a pat on the head and a "Nice Try" at the entrance exams.
Ooh! At war with humanity for a whole 6 months? What happened? Get bored? Did humanity give you a wedgie? Was it an atomic one where it took three weeks to get your skivvies out of your crevasse? Did that big mean old humanity steal your lunch money? Kevin Mitnick you aren't.
As for hacking the FBI?Thanks for giving me the dates of your criminal activity. My brother-in-law at the NSA in the cyber-crimes and defense department has been given a copy of your e-mails and your account name. If there is any records of intrusion between those two dates I think you'll become a person of interest. I hope for your sake you've mistaken watching FBI videos leaked to YouTube.com as a real hacking into the FBI servers, because if they can link anything to you for real...
Well let's say you're not going to be getting any congical visits except from people you don't want one from.
And shoplifting is like the "Hello Kitty" version of crime. It annoys more than it impressed. Somehow saying "Me? I'm in here for jacking a kit-kat bar." just doesn't have that whole "I'm a hardened criminal" vibe to it.
"May the Wiccan dark magical Force be with your enemies!" Thank you for the laugh. I almost peed myself reading this. Might I suggest www.wikipedia.org and looking up Wicca. You'll finally realize just how pathetic that was.
I am bored now. I am blocking further messages from you. You just don't have a tenth of the flame-war abilities of most people I tangle with. You were like a toy mouse to a cat. Fun at first, but now that the tail has been chewed off...you're just no fun anymore. Toodles!
Idiots.
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