For this type of spam/scam I get, I like to reply to the person by going paragraph by paragraph and answering their comments individually. Their comments are italicized while my comments are normal.
Request For Foreign Partner
Dear Sir,
I sincerely write to seek your co-operation and trust to enable my colleagues and I carry out an urgent business opportunity in my department.
Your country has openly called my country and all its residents a lot of not-so-nice names and accused of many many bad things. Frankly I’m not even sure that the most popular one screamed at us whilst burning one of our flags is even possible with a sheep…but as it’s the sentiment that counts I’ll not split hairs.
I work with the Union Bank of Nigeria PLC; currently I am the senior manager of bills and exchange at the foreign remittance department of my bank. I was the account officer to one Mr. Ali B. Ashraf who died along with his family on the 8th of November 2001 in an ADC Boeing 727 plane crash at Egirin River. All 141 passengers on board were feared dead.
Funny, Airsafe.com does not mention a 727 crash in 2001 at all We go from April 1998 to January 2002. If you’re going to try and scam me, at least do some research for Christ’s sake. I mean I found 7 lists of Boeing 727 crashes in 30 seconds on google.com. It’s the internet. Try learning to use it for something more than masturbating to porn and scamming hapless idiots out of their money. There are many legitimate ways to make money off the internet…I suggest you learn at least one of them.
He left in his domiciliary account the total sum…
Trying to make yourself sound intelligent? Please! Next time try “His home account” or “his personal account.” Hell half the twits that you send this to will look at the word “domiciliary” and be confused by it.
…of $15.5million Fifteen million five hundred thousand USA Dollars.
Why in the hell is everyone using US (not USA) Dollars? Don’t you know that the Dollar is worth less than the paper I use to wipe my ass after three bowls of three-alarm chilli? Do you people not mint your own money? I’m sure if you give some crayons to everyone in your country who is involved in scamming people, you could make some.
Since the management got the information of his death we have been expecting any of his relation or his next of kin to come up and claim his money.
Ever try calling his home? Ever try looking up birth records? Give me 30 minutes access to your countries archives and I’m sure I could find out not only who they are, where they live, but odds are I could tell you what they had for breakfast this morning.
Unfortunately from the day of his death till the time of this letter none of his relation or friends has come up for the claim. The banking and financial law of Union bank of Nigeria Plc stipulates that if such fund remained unclaimed after it will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.
Astonishing! You actually use the name of a real bank. That is so refreshing after all the idiots pulling fake bank names out of their ass.
On this discovery sir, I and two other senior staffs now decided to do business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin to Ali B. Ashraf for safety and subsequent disbursement. I will soon proceed for my retirement leave this year, and I personally do not want this fund to be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. That is why I wanted the fund to be move out of the bank before I proceed on my retirement from the banking services by December 15th 2003.
So what you’re telling me is that you’re a greedy bastard who is willing to commit fraud to get your hands on money that belongs to this (fictitious) person or his (equally fictitious) next of kin or to the bank you work for AND are willing to get me involved. Buddy I was scared shitless after dealing with a traffic violation. There is no way in heaven, hell or worse…New Jersey that I’m going to involve myself in fraud.
The need for a foreigner as next of kin in this project is occasioned by the fact that the customer Mr. Ali Ashraf was a foreigner and a Nigerian cannot stand as his next of kin or heir. We have agreed that 20% of the Fund would be for you as foreign partner; thereafter my colleague and I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated.
Well why the hell not? A name like Ashraf is likely to be a swarthy olive skinned person of Middle Eastern decent. If the bank is going to accept a White American boy of obviously Irish decent as his next of kin, then the odds are equally likely for it to be a dark skinned person such as one would commonly find in Nigeria. Hell it’s even more likely since you are a hell of a lot closer than East Podunk Rural America where half of the people out here still are having a hard time with banging the rocks together for fire much less how to use the internet (Tha’ Thar Interweb thingie).
To enable the immediate transfer of the fund into your nominated account, you will first apply to the bank as the next of kin of the deceased, indicating your bank account number and location wherein the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your acknowledgement indicating your interest, I will send to you the text of the application that you will send to the Union Bank authority for an approval to submit your claims.
There you go again with the false intelligent sounding bull crap. “Nominated Account” Sounds like it’s up for an academy award or something. Most bankers use the phrase “Account of your choice”. “It’s better to sit in silence and be thought of as a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt”
Send your reply through my direct and private email address (edwarduwa@zwallet.com) indicates your direct Fax and telephone numbers for effective communication that this transaction needs. Do not reply through the union bank email address because it's belonged to the senior staffs for public use.
So…why is your address off of a server in New York instead of your own country? You know…a domain that is flagged by hundreds of sites as a popular hangout for table-scrap pilfering grabass scammers like yourself. Google is a wonderful thing for me and I’m sure by now, a serious dick in your ass.
Please note that you are not to appear in person, as every thing regarding this project will be strictly on documentations and every banking documents needed for this transaction will be taken care of by my self.
What is to stop me from taking the forms you give me and doing it myself and cutting out the middleman? Oh yeah, right! The fact that this is a scam! But for the sake of argument, let’s pretend that this is real. What would stop me, “Dishonest American Scum” (which is rich with the fact that scams like this seem to be your country’s greatest export) from metaphorically bending you over a barrel and anally violating you with a particularly large agave cactus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agave_cactus), taking all the money and moving somewhere in the Bahamas?
Looking forward to urgently hearing from you.
Do me a favor. Hold your breath until I contact you again. It might take me a while so I suggest a sink, some wire around your neck and turning on the taps. We wouldn’t want you to cheat now would we?
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