A political quickie.

To go by the political ads, the Facebook memes, the people *on* Facebook that are so rabidly in support of one candidate or the other (or even a third party candidate)...I have concluded that no matter what I do, I'm un-American.

To date I've seen...

• If you vote for Obama you're un-American for supporting a non-US Citizen that illegally became President to support Socialism and to convert us all into Muslim extremists. 
• If you vote for Romney, you're an un-American Mormon supporting douchebag that is going to force gays to go to concentration and reeducation camps to have the homo beaten out of them, keep women barefoot and pregnant (and sharing the bedroom with a bazillion other "wives"), and are voting in support of letting the rich butt-fuck the poor whenever they need to rub one out. 
• If you vote for a third party candidate, you're un-American because you're taking votes away from the Dirty Commie or from the filthy Polygamist who deserve them more because you're voting for these unwashed hippies.
• If you don't vote at all you're un-American for well not wanting to take your rightful place in the 300 million-plus Americans doing their patriotic duty by picking the shiniest of the turds presented. 

So I have to ask. With these four statements flying around the internet in forms that may or may not be as exaggerated as I've presented here (and trust me, I've *seen* far worse)...

What must I do to be seen as a "True, Red-Blooded American"? Seriously! What do I have to do? Pull the ghost of Washington out of my ass? Go back in time and give Lincoln a handjob so we can clone him? What?