Pull the other one, it plays "Jingle Bells"

Ah, someone *else* wanting my World of Warcraft information.


Greetings!

We have already noted that you are trying to sell your personal World of Warcraft or Diablo III account.
Terms of Use 

So "Oh Mighty Blizzard Administrators", which one is it? Am I selling my WoW account, or my Diablo III account. I only have one, only play one, don't even play the free-to-play demo for the other. So if I'm being a naughty boy and am trying to sell one...why don't you tell *me* which one I have and am trying to sell.

This is important for you to get it right as my belief will be colored by what you choose. Chose incorrectly and I'll believe that you're a bunch of stupid fucktards trying to scare me for having an account with Blizzard.net but not knowing which one I do have. Choose correctly and I'll believe that you are a bunch of stupid fucktards trying to scare me for having an account with Blizzard.net but not knowing which one I do have...but who got damn lucky. It's 50/50 odds after all.

And for those watching at home? Blizzard was compromised a little while ago. This is why they required everyone to change their passwords. Anyone with the authenticator was safe. They have since plugged the leaks and closed off the holes.

It will be ongoing for further investigation by Blizzard Entertainment's employees.
If you wish to not get your account suspended you should immediately verify your account ownership. You must complete the steps below to secure the account and your computer. 

English people! English! For pity's sake your fake website has a .tk address so you're either *in* New Zealand, or are one of the many Taiwanese or Korean scammers trying to make money on a computer game and are hosting on NZ servers. In either case, there are PLENTY of people in all three areas that speak English a hell of a lot better than this.

STEP 1: ACCOUNT INVESTIGATION
We now provide a secure website for you to verify that you have taken the appropriate steps to secure the account, your computer, and your email address. Please go to this site and follow the instructions:
http://www.battle.com/support/article/securitywebform 

Boy you fellers could fuck up a wet dream. Not only do you send me to a site that is not anywhere near the Blizzard/Battle.net servers...but you say that I have to go to battle.com which is a holding page for a webhosting company looking to sell that domain.

Buncha dumbasses.

STEP 2: VERIFY YOUR SUBMISSION WAS RECEIVED
We will contact you with further instructions once we have received and processed your submission. If you do not receive a reply within 48 hours of submitting this form, please resend it from the address listed above. 

TRANSLATION: If we don't fuck you in the ass in 2 days, please send us your information a second time so we can try to fuck you in the ass.

Please be aware that if unauthorized access to this account, it may lead to further action against the account. 

What unauthorized access? I have the user name, I have the correct password, I have the nifty spiffy authenticator that keeps people like you from logging in even if you have the password. AND...And I'm not trying to sell the account. Who would buy it? I have no large sums of in-game currency, I have no max-tier-geared toons, I just like running around and running quests. And playing with the Pet Battle system (It's like WoW and Pokemon gor their freak on and this was the love child).

And in any case you threatening me with further action against my account is similar to what Robin Williams said about British Police not having guns. "Stop! Or I'll say "Stop" again.". You have as much power, as much bite as the scenario he paints.

Fare Thee Well, 

Really? No Blizzard employee speaks that way when it comes to the legal terms of the Terms of Agreement.

Game Master Dunarthra
Customer Services

And they only use "in-Game" names when they're resolving an "in-game" issue and are responding to a GM ticket.

Pull the other one...it plays Jingle Bells.

Sorry Rob...didn't feel like using the "Agave Cactus up the ass" bit today. The storm is playing merry hob with my head and just didn't feel like it. I promise next rant I'll put in two to make it up to you so you can have fun making fun of the over-used line.