They never give up do they?

Found in my spam folder.

World of Warcraft - Account Management‏

An investigation of your World of Warcraft account has found strong evidence that the account in question is being sold or traded.

Really? And what do you base that information on? The fact that traded or sold accounts usually have a crap load of gold in the account and at least one level-maxed character with all of the highest level equipment?

I have maybe 9,000 gold between all of my highest level characters, and none of them are level 85. Oh and they are far from having the highest level gear.

Then there is the fact that if you were paying attention to my account, you'd notice that I play most Tuesdays with the same three other accounts. I also frequently play with my wife and her account. So if you REALLY were Blizzard, you'd know that my account activity is about average for my demographic and not an account that is being power leveled for sale.

As you may not be aware of, this conflicts with Blizzard's EULA under section 4 Paragraph B which can be found here: WoW -> Legal -> End User License Agreement and Section 8 of the Terms of Use found here: WoW -> Legal -> Terms of Use The investigation will be continued by      Blizzard administration to determine the action to be taken against your account.

Oh I am aware that what you (and not Blizzard) have accuse me is against the Blizzard EULA. However I have not violated it in the slightest.

Were you aware that what you are doing here on the other hand *is* in direct violation? That by trying to impersonate Blizzard and Blizzard Personnel you are in violation of the law? I'm sure you are. In fact I'm even sure that you are creaming your jeans at the fact that by being in another country there is nothing that anyone can do about it since no one in your country even gives a shit about what you are doing.

And let me see. According to the traceroute on the header...you are in South Korea. Wow! North Korea is fixing to bomb the shit out of you and you're still more concerned about getting my account password from me? Damn but you fuckers need to get your priorities straight.

If your account is found violating the EULA and Terms of Use, your account can,and will be suspended/closed/or terminated. In order to keep this from occurring, you should immediately verify that you are the account. 

It's not in violation. And of you cock-munchers think you have the wherewithal to have my account yanked, you are more than welcome to try. The only way you could do anything to me involves trying to trick me into giving you my username (which you have thanks to Blizzard using e-mail addresses) and my password (which you can't guess since it's complex enough to require 500 billion years for a single desktop to crack).

All of that however is worthless since you also need my authenticator to get in.

To verify your identity please visit the following webpage:

www.worldofworcrcft.com

Gee! Can't you shitbags spell Warcraft? Oh! I'm sorry. I forgot. You probably CAN spell Warcraft correctly but since Blizzard bought the properly spelled web domain you can't do a fucking thing about it and must use obviously false web domains to try to scam me out of my entertainment.

Gosh I'm such an asshole. At least I'm not some pole-smoking scammer like you are. That would really suck ass.

Only Account Administration will be able to assist with account retrieval issues. Thank you for your time and attention to this matter, and your continued interest in World of Warcraft. 

Blizzard Entertainment Inc Account Administration Team

P.O. Box 18979, Irvine, CA 92623

Blizzard Entertainmen

 You spelled Entertainment wrong the second time. There are three "T"'s in it. You left out the one on the end.

 So I now leave you with this heartfelt Christmas greeting. "Merry Go Fuck Yourself in the Ass with an Agave Cactus, and have a Happy Die in a Fire.

Support your local business.

Now I'm all for this. This is a biggy in the Role-Playing Game supply stores. Good gaming stores are harder and harder to find since it is far easier to get what you need on Ebay, Amazon, and online retailers in general. The more people order from the gaming companies directly, the less gaming stores are able to continue.

But this Christmas I've started wondering if it is the fault of the consumer that we go to the online retailers and not to the store. I'm starting to think that maybe it's the stores themselves that are driving the nails into their own coffins and making us go to the online retailers out of frustration.

Case in point. There is a very local store to us. These folks are 15 minutes away from our house and within walking distance to my work. Can't be much more convenient than that right? Except that every thing I've ordered, they lose.

Let me clarify. They order it and they get in, but they lose the piece of paper that says who ordered it and what their contact information is. And since they can't figure out who ordered it, it gets put on the shelves for sale.

Guess what happens to them then. I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with "it gets sold to someone else".

So when we get there to ask where our order is, we get "Oh Right! That was you guys who ordered the last copy of Munchkin Bites 2: Pants Macabre that our distributer has and will not be able to get until February when they get the next batch from Steve Jackson Games' printers."

To which we reply "Why yes, that was us. Where is it?"

"We didn't have your contact information and so we accidentally sold it out from under you...sorry."

This happened to us three times. As Queen Victoria (one of our more frumpy queens - Eddie Izzard) is famous for saying "We are not amused."

Ok, so this guy is out. Well there is another store that is a bit of a haul up the road from us, but still day-trippable and we can do it on a circuit of Ikea, them, and Nightdreams and then head on home. Normally they have been nothing but awesome to us. Until now.

We wanted to order stuff for AFTER Christmas. No rush, no hurry, no screaming wobblers if it doesn't get to us until after the New Year. We wanted...

The two Munchkin Christmas expansions (Nope, they're out of print)
The Red Dragon Inn? (Company gone out of business)
Pass me the Brain? (Out of print)
Killer Bunnies Purple expansion? (Sorry out of print)

By this point we were starting to feel like John Cleese in the "Cheese Shop" Sketch.

So by the time we've asked about the 8th item we give it up.

When we check it out, the only one that we honestly can not get at all is the Red Dragon since they seem to have gone tits-up as a business entity. Hopefully someone else will come along and buy their games up. It's likely, SJGames is great for picking up games from defunct companies and re-printing them under their name. Lord of the Fries and Pass me the Brain were originally made by Cheapass Games until they folded and were picked up by SJGames. They actually sell better under their care.

The rest of the games could be found on Ebay, Amazon, and the respective websites of the makers of the games.

So with this store's "Can't be arsed" attitude, we now have a bad taste in our mouth about buying from the only local guys.

As much as I wanted to support you, you didn't want to support your customers. And with this attitude, you have the gall to piss, bitch and moan over how we're killing your business by shopping from the manufacturers of the games directly?

Well maybe if you actually remembered the lessons of customer service you would actually still have customers to service.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ordering to do.

The Christmas Spirit...

Yeah, pretty well lost it.

I tried to get myself into the Christmas Spirit. Went to Busch Gardens with friends to see the Christmas celebration there, watched my favorite Christmas movies such as Patrick Stewart's "A Christmas Carol", "The Polar Express" and (sorry Mom but I liked it) Ron Howard's version of "The Grinch who Stole Christmas".

Almost had it too.

But then I had to go and do something pretty fucking stupid. I listened to the news.

Let's see, there is our Federal Government (more like Federal Cluster Fuck). The Republicans were saying that they're going to hold millions of unemployed hostage unless the Democrats agree to their precious (My...Precioussssss) tax cuts. Obama says fine, we'll compromise. The Republicans say OK, that's fair but the Democrats now call Obama a traitor and a wimp and a spineless jellyfish that caved into the Republican's demands and so will not call the vote,

So now we have Repubs who aren't going to help the unemployed since they'll never get their tax cuts and the Dems who aren't going to help the unemployed since they pretty much will never listen to Obama ever again.

Merry fucking Christmas to the unemployed who can't find a job because three hundred people are fighting over the only three jobs opened at the K-Mart. This is no exaggeration. My wife was one of the three hundred people trying to get work and she was told by the people at K-Mart what the deal was.

Then we have the butt fuckers (and this is the literal usage of Butt Fucker") who raped and burned and killed a family (including the anal violation of an 11-year old...hence butt fucker). One of them has decided that he really doesn't want to push the issue any further and is not appealing the death penalty. So what do people do? They assume that this guy is insane (No! Really? You think?) since obviously he doesn't want to fight for his life and so they're filing the appeal for him.

Yes, we have some people who want to delay and/or stop the sending of this defective product back to the manufacturer. Dude. There is OVERWHELMING evidence that they did it, they do not deny that they did it (one saying that he doesn't know why he did it) and we're going to keep them alive at tax payer expense?

Merry fucking Christmas for the families and friends of the people these convicted criminals sodomized and BBQ'ed.

Then there is the kicker. This is the one that is making my blood boil. My step-daughter is in High School getting ready to go to college to get a degree in education and the assistance of special needs children. This is a girl with a gift. There are children that she has helped that will talk to her. In some cases, she is the only person they will talk to including their own parents. She has a gift. She told of a problem at the school. There are students that think that the greatest, bestest game in the whole of the universe is to hunt down the special needs children and punch the lunch trays so they fly into their faces.

What fun.

One kid was carrying hot food and took it into his face. He is deaf, barely able to speak more than a few words, and can not sign due to a deformity to his hands. Now you may think that the Children are the evil bastards here, but wait there's more! The staff at the school (fuck it) at Calvert High School in Prince Frederick Maryland (if they don't like it they can kiss my ass) will not do anything since the children attacked can not identify those doing it.

THEY ARE SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN YOU COCK-SUCKERS! Many of them (like the aforementioned kid with the bad hands and is a deaf-mute) can not function well enough to be able to identify the ones doing it. Don't you think that (oh I don't know...) YOU as the school staff ought to do something about it like putting someone there to monitor the situation? Oh, but then again this is the same school that my wife has witnessed a drug deal going on in the hallways and no one seems to be doing a goddamned thing about that either.

Merry fucking Christmas to all the hot, scalding soup wearing special needs children who don't even fully understand the concept of bullying. At least when they did that shit to me as a child I understood why it was being done (I was different and they were douchebags) but many of them don't understand and that makes it that much more frightening.

So I'm starting off my Christmas season with a serious case of the humbugs. And right about now if the Ghosts of Christmas shows up? "One swift knee to the happy sacks and he'll drop like anyone else"

Thank you David Lister.

A Christmas Carol

The classic Dickens tale has been done so many ways and in so many styles that it has become a Christmas favorite of mine to watch. But is is amazing how few of them actually get it right.

I've actually read the original story thanks to Project Gutenberg and my iPhone's e-book reader app from Apple. Made a nice way to kill time while waiting for things. and comparing it to all the versions done it made me realize that so many of them got it wrong in degrees varying from slightly off to "what the Sam hill were they thinking?"

My personal favorite versions are as follows.

A Christmas Carol - done in 1999 starring Patrick Stewart. This version was I'd have to say one of the closest versions of the story I've seen. They left out a few minor tidbits. This bit most notably.

'Spirit?' said Scrooge, after a moment's thought, 'I wonder you, of all the beings in the many worlds about us, should desire to cramp these people's opportunities of innocent enjoyment.'

   'I!' cried the Spirit.

   'You would deprive them of their means of dining every seventh day, often the only day on which they can be said to dine at all,' said Scrooge. 'Wouldn't you?'

   'I!' cried the Spirit.

   'You seek to close these places on the Seventh Day,' said Scrooge. 'And it comes to the same thing.'

   'I seek!' exclaimed the Spirit.

   'Forgive me if I am wrong. It has been done in your name, or at least in that of your family,' said Scrooge.

   'There are some upon this earth of yours,' returned the Spirit, 'who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill-will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in our name, who are as strange to us and all out kith and kin, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not us.'

 And I can excuse that bit since it is a very common misconception that everyone in that era had access to a stove. After all in America in the same time period, most people had at least a small stove of their own and many had access to their own oven or would cook a bird in a stove-top covered pan which acted as an oven. So quite a number of people in our era are unaware that cooking a dinner often involved a local baker who would be more than happy to toss in a bird (already prepared by the owner) for a quick half-penny.

Another favorite is the Muppet's version. Largely accurate if you can get away from the Muppets and their unique brand of chaos (Beaker flipping off Scrooge...seriously! look for it when Scrooge tosses them out of his office). But they leave out Scrooge having dinner at his nephew's house and the reconciliation between them and replace it with a moment with Bob "Kermit" Cratchet and his family.

My last favorite is not so much a version of the classic, but a fun new twist on the story. I of course refer to "Scrooged" with Bill Murry. "The bitch hit me with a toaster" How can you not love that?

What prompted this blog post is the fact that I re-watched the latest version with Jim Carey in it. And I discovered that I flat out do not like it.

First of all, there is all the 3D for the sake of 3D and not for the sake of the story. It seemed to me like the love child of a 50's 3D "B" movie and Christmas Carol. After Scrooge capped the ghost of Christmas past, the cap launched him into low orbit as if Scrooge had wrapped himself around the nose cone of a Saturn V rocket.

Secondly they made him out to be down right evil in his old age. George C. Scott, Patrick Stewart, and Michael Caine had it right to the story. Scrooge was never evil. He was disillusioned with life and had pretty much given up on ever experiencing joy from it. He thought he had lost it all with the exception of the business and since that was all he had left, he held onto it with a passion.

Jim Carey's version was a very evil person who was so miserly that he had a hard time paying for the funeral of Marley and in fact took the tuppence from his eyes. Scrooge was a man of business and of honest commerce. He admired Martha Cratchet for her dedication to her work. The Albert Finney version (not a favorite of mine for reasons that I'll discuss later) at least showed Scrooge ranting and railing about all the people skipping out on payments due to him and then praising a store clerk who actually had the ability to pay  what was due that week.

To Scrooge, paying for the funeral was what was proper. Money pair for services rendered. Granted, Scrooge likely paid for the cheapest service but would have had no issue paying what was due. For him to do otherwise would be hypocritical since he expected others to do that as well to him. You pay what you owe.

Also Scrooge (the Jim Carey version) seemed to delight in being mean. The book just showed Scrooge as being a little unfeeling, but not out and out mean. Something that is hit or miss in the various Scrooge actors.

The aforementioned Albert Finney version had some scenes that were a little off to me. For one it was a Musical and I'm limited as to the Musicals that I like. I really detested the Christmas Present sequence where they seemed to not teach Scrooge a lesson, but to get him drunk of his ass on the Milk of Human Kindness or something. To me he didn't learn anything but to get his happiness from a bottle.

I wish Hollywood would pull it's head out of its ass and realize that the story stands on its own. That the lessons contained in it are simple and easy to understand and do not need embellishment. That we don't need to make Scrooge a villain before you reform him. That you don't have to have him showing up at the Cratchet house to make for a happy ending. That you can leave the story alone and it will be a good one.

Yahoo Answers fun

On Yahoo Answers, I occasionally see questions that are rants ans/or slams against people instead of honest questions. This one for example. The person was asking how many states are there in America. This question has been asked about a dozen times and seems to be a slam against President Obama who after a jet-lagged slip of the tongue is being painted as an idiot. 


I even understand the 58 states comment and how it came about. He was trying to describe the fact that he had been to 48 states and had 2 to go. However being tired the brain seems to have fixated on the truthful statement that there are 50 states. One tired brain and you get a combination of the two...the aforementioned 58 states. God only knows that I've made several amusing gaffs. So have many members of my family. 


One such gaff was a very tired step-son of mine whom in the middle of a card game (Munchkin Bites...fun game and highly recommended) was given a card "Imitate Bela Lugosi - Go up a level". Not knowing Bela Lugosi, he did his best and upon prodding by us on the simple line of "I vant to suck your blood" (the card's rule said that it didn't have to be a good impression) said in the stereotypical Gothic Dracula sort of cheap Euro-trash accent. What came out however was a Freudian slip of epic proportions and he uttered instead "I vant to fuck your blood".


So verbal gaffs are quite possible. Obama and his 58 states comment being blown out of proportion is nothing more than the media outlets creaming their collective jeans over the slightest anything that they can use to painting the President in a negative light. Hell look at what they did to Gerald Ford and his one (1, uno, ein un, одно) slip getting off of an aircraft. 


So I posted the following answer.

There are 50 states. 

Obama's comment was likely due to the fact that he was jet-lagged like a son of a @#$%^.

Being tired can do that to a person.

This "58 states" crap is very similar to how we perceived Gerald Ford as a clumsy buffoon simply because of one (1) singular misstep coming off of an aircraft. They really didn't like Ford, so that slip up became the brunt of a thousand jokes. Obama's little sleep-deprived slip of the tongue is the same. People don't like him so they look for any excuse to call him an idiot and a fool.

Grow up people. If you REALLY don't like him THEN GET OF YOUR ASSES AND VOTE IN 2012 FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

Yeah I know, that last bit was a little ranty on my part, but then again I'm sick to freaking death of all the "Birther" crap, how he's a Muslim Extremist in disguise or any number of the ways that people are bad mouthing the President. He is the President, he was elected by the will of the people filtered through the Electoral College, he is the man in charge until at least 2012 when he's up for reelection... assuming he wants to run again and frankly I don't blame him if he doesn't want to.


So I get the following in my e-mail from another user.

From:  (Y!A ID changed to cover my arse)

Subject: hey jagoff

Message: i don't care how freakin tired, drunk, high or stoned a person is, i've been stoned, drunk or so freaking tired i couldn't see at all let alone see straight and i would never ever say anything other than 50 states in the uinion. then again, i'm actaully a citizen having learned this little tidbit in first or second grade, and wouldn't spend $2 million hiding my records which prove it either.

But if you were drunk and/or stoned, how would you know what you said? I've seen drunk people trying some of the stupidest shit that anyone with a little common sense would know is a very bad idea. I've seen drunk friends try to jump over a moving car coming right at them. I've seen stoned people have to have a tattoo removed from their face because they thought that having a penis inked next to their mouth would be funny. Drunk or otherwise intoxicated people say and do the damnedest shit. Don't believe me? Turn your TV to the TruTV channel and watch "The Smoking Gun Presents: The World's Dumbest..."


Trust me, after 15 minutes you'll start wondering if they should just let these fuckers die so the gene pool would self-chlorinate.

making excuses for this lame schmuck is all you people have left, time to grow up and face facts, he is a snake oil salesman, and you made a bad decision.

First of all, in a private election how do you know who I voted for? I could have voted Libertarian for all you know. I could have voted for McCain. I could have done a write-in vote for Bill the Cat. So saying that I made the wrong choice is a matter of opinion on your part and nothing more. Secondly he is a politician. That means that right off the bat he LIES. He's no different from "W", Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Tricky Dick Nixon, etcetera and so on.


There is the old joke. "How do you tell if a politician is lying? His lips are moving."


So yelling at me and railing that he is a snake oil salesman is pointless since they all try to blow sunshine up our asses and tell us that the world is filled with cute bunny rabbits masturbating in the meadows and ejaculating rainbows. Tell us something that we don't already know.

he will be out next election simply becasue many state will require the info he has been hiding before he is allowed on their ballots. he is out regardless of what he has said anbd once we understand that he wasn't eligible in the first place, everything he has signed will be revoked as illegal and he may even go to jail &/or be deported. good ridance to the little f^ck.

And here we see that you are one of the many people who think that he shouldn't have been president. Sorry, he was born on American soil (Hawaii being made a state just shy of two years prior to his birth), he was elected by the popular vote which told the Electoral College how to vote and so he is the president. You may not like him but the simple fact remains that he IS the president and I seriously doubt that he will be arrested and everything he has done will be thrown out as illegal.


And he'll likely be out next election because he simply not run again. All this Birther crap is nothing more than a way for Racist Americans to say in a politically correct fashion "Oh my GAWD! Who let that [racial slur for African-Americans] become president?" He knows it and he is bone tired of all of it.


I tried to reply to him, but he has me blocked to prevent me from messaging him back. A cowardly way to attack someone, but that's the blessing and the curse of the internet. People can rant and rail at people in ways that they would never do in real life for fear of what the person might do to them. And yes I do this as well by doing my blog. I can say what is on my mind without fear of reprisal. The difference between him and me is that I will allow people to speak their minds here even if that is a rant against me. I'm thick skinned and I can take a few insults. You don't grow up as a nerdy outcast in the public school system without learning how to cope. 


And should fa91338 should make it to my blog and post, don't try and attack my being a nerdy outcast. What I was in school is not what I am today and attacking that would be like me attacking you because you at some point in your life wore diapers and quite likely at some point in your life pissed your bed.


So I have replied (in red) to his points here on this blog since I can't really do it elsewhere. However I amended my answer to include a little stab at him.

Oh and fa91338? The next time you want to send me an email calling me a jagoff and other vile things, don't block my ability to reply privately. It only makes it seem as if you are afraid of my rebuttal. You might not be, but that's how it comes across.

Just saying.

To which I got this lovely and gramatically incorrect reply. The spelling errors and the grammar leads me to believe that I am yet again dealing with a childish mentality. Not saying that he is a child, but damn if he doesn't come across as a 10-year-old with a serious chip on his shoulders. My replies in red as usual.

From: fa91338

Subject: too freakin bad sport

Ooh! Insults right off the bat. This is going to be a nice conversation.

Message: the fact that you break the rules to which you agreed in order to use y/a whne you 'answer' (rant) only shows that you dont' really have anything sensible to offer.

And you and your comment of "according to obama, 58" (and yes he seems to not be really big on capitalization.) is something sensible to offer? What makes your insult to our President any less sensible than mine?

i block you becuase i doubt you have anythign else to say you haven't, which is futile at the onset.

Your grammar is making my head hurt. My friend who was a Fifth-Grade English teacher would have to take steps to keep her brain from exploding at your unwillingness and/or inability to speak as if you were properly educated.

if you dont' like the way people email you, block them, breaking the rules/vioating in an answer will only getour suspended and i am not anywhere close to afraid of you or your kind.

Why should I take the cowards way out? Why should I hide behind a fence like a little yippy-skippy dog and bark at the Pit Bulls walking past? And speaking of violating the rules, there is the interesting rule in the Terms of Service that states that being abusive to other users through the message system is also a violation. Pot calling the kettle black there don't you think?

ht eproblem is now that if i ublkock you i cannot re-instate it later, so too bad, deal like an adult and move on. otherwise i am sure you will end up suspended in the long run. it is obviousyou'r childlike mind will eventually end up w/ 1 of these 2 results, you will learn or you will get suspended.

Me? Childlike? that's laughable. Seriously, are you really that uneducated that you can't type correctly? Or did my comment inflame you to the point of being so blind with rage that you are only able to bang at the keys and hope for the best? In either case it is very amusing to me. 


Oh and saying that I'll get suspended? Have you even read what goes on in Yahoo Answers? Racial slurs, insults to people of religion (or against those who do not ascribe to it at all), slams against popular celebrities? And all of these very thinly veiled as legitimate questions from people who do this at least three times a night and have accounts that have been active for several years. You think that I'm going to get suspended? Again I am amused.

as top your idiotic comment in the answer, like the other assh0le mentioned that what you and he think was meant by the 58 states comment never had any such reasoning when bush was president so why should anyone cut this idiot any slack?

Because he is a human and thus subject to making human mistakes. Something that the world at large has forgotten. That our celebrities are not Gods and are as subject to the same personal demons as the rest of us are. Because at some point we are are going to make a mistake and we're going to hope like all hell that someone will be forgiving towards us in a way that you do not seem to be towards others. Because some of us believe in not being douche bags.

oh yeah, the 2 faces of the libs, thats why. the other guy also mentioned having vistited another country and was confused. it was during campaign mode in the US, he hadn't been in another country. this is the kind if idiottic rhetoric which makes you kids so useless on y/a...

FYI: I am not a kid. I have a wife, a job and three step-children and am in my late 30's. You want to talk about useless? Why not kvetch at all the "What is my boyfriend thinking?" questions? Or all the shock-value questions of "I just stuck my cat in the microwave and turned it on. How do I revive fluffy so my parents won't be mad at me?" questions? Why not consider the "Spiritually Speaking" questions that have nothing to do with religion or spirituality in any way, shape or form? There is far more that is useless than anything I can put forth.


So now I'm going to post the link to this blog entry and see if this chap is willing to take this further. I welcome it in fact. There is nothing he can say that'll raise my blood pressure the slightest notch. And who knows. he may be amusing.

Who owns the sun? Not this woman.

Angeles Duran of Spain has laid a claim to the Sun.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1333776/Spanish-woman-Angeles-Duran-claims-owns-sun--plans-start-charging-ALL-users.html

And further to that, she wants to slap everyone who used the Sun and it's energy with a fee. Now She does plan on using half of the fee for a charity which is nice and all but how in the name of Zeus's sweat soaked jock strap does she plan on enforcing this?

How is she going to collect a fee from the over six billion people on this planet? I'd LOVE to see her try and collect from Al Qeada or the religious leaders of Iraq. Or North Korea! That'll be a fun one.

Further to that, how could she collect a fee for something that she has no way of stopping? Frankly if she did try, the first thing I'd say to her would be "Nope! Don't want to pay for the service. Don't really need the Sun. Go ahead and cut me off."

Also did this woman think of the downside? I could sue her for every time I got a sunburn. All the people who got Skin Cancer would be suing her. Everyone who got a really high electricity bill from having to run the AC in the summer to counter the effects of the Sun. Or every dashboard that cracked from the exposure. Anything that faded from solar exposure. Anything negative that can be attributed to the Sun would open her ass wide open for a lawsuit.

But she is damn lucky. While she thinks she is able to own the sun thanks to the Outer Space treaty signed in 1967, there is a passage that proves her dead ass wrong.

Her argument (and the argument for the chap selling deeded property on the moon) is that no government can lay claim to the celestial bodies out there. Their thinking is that the governments can not, but there is nothing that says that individuals can't.

Oh but there is chicky, there is.

Article VI states:

States Parties to the Treaty shall bear international responsibility for national activities in outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, whether such activities are carried on by governmental agencies or by non-governmental entities, and for assuring that national activities are carried out in conformity with the provisions set forth in the present Treaty. The activities of non-governmental entities in outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, shall require authorization and continuing supervision by the appropriate State Party to the Treaty. When activities are carried on in outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, by an international organization, responsibility for compliance with this Treaty shall be borne both by the international organization and by the States Parties to the Treaty participating in such organization.

or by non-governmental entities
This means people like her are covered under the same international treaty as the Governments of the world which signed it.

The activities of non-governmental entities in outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, shall require authorization and continuing supervision by the appropriate State Party to the Treaty.
Meaning that even if she could lay claim to it, The Spanish Government (which did sign the treaty BTW) would have to back her and the odds of that happening are somewhere between "A whelk's chance in a supernova" and "None"

So nice try lady...nice try.

The why behind the Westboro Baptist Church - One man's observation and opinions.

This post is mostly for my step-children, but it can also help anyone who is having a hard time understanding why the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC for short since I'm a lazy typist) does what they do.

Truth of the matter is that I do not know why for certain. I have a few theories however.

1. Fame.
As annoying as these people are, what they do is still not as abhorrent as the pedophile priests that have come to light in the Catholic Church. However, unless you live in one of the parishes that have had one of these, I'll wager that you would be hard pressed to think of the name of any Catholic Church that has had a Pedo-Priest.

I know I certainly can't without hitting Google.

Yet, when asked "Hey, do you know the name of that group that protests funerals?" The first thing that pops into your head is "Oh! You mean the WBC!"

You know them by name. You know them without having to think about very hard. Odds are you barely heated up a pair of neurons coming up with them. They are what in the advertising circles are called "Top of the mind" product. When someone asks you to think of a Chocolate bar, you think Hershey's. When asked about Chicken, Tyson or Perdue comes to mind. Think of a fast food burger and McDonalds is there rolling off the tip of your tongue.

That is what they have achieved. You can't think of a parish that has a "Butt-Buggering Bishop" but you know THEM.

2. Advertising
Advertising is costly. For the major corporations to make the money that they make and to become as big as they are, they have to spend a shitload on advertising. One Superbowl slot costs $2.5 million dollars for 30 minutes of advertising.

However, you take your parishioners and work them up into a frenzy over a subject that you hate and that you can get them to hate with you and they'll do all the work for you. They'll empty their wallets of extra money and chuck it into the donation plate during services.

Not only that, point them in a direction (in my case LaPlata Maryland) and they'll do your bidding and protest.  Further to that, they will do so at their expense. Even those that can't make it there themselves will carpool with others, or you can charter a bus for cheap (compared to other forms of advertising). The simple fact is. You get two bus loads of people out to one funeral and the news media will talk about it for a solid week.

That's getting a weeks worth of advertising in the local papers, the local news outlets, the major networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox), CNN, Associated Press, Reuters, National Public Radio, Google News, Fark.com...the list is too huge to fully list here. But you get all that press on dozens of media outlets for the cost of a few charter buses (average of $20 per person per day) and for a full week's coverage. Far more bang for your buck than $2.5 million per 30 second slot on one network.

This fuels the fame above.

Now you might be wondering why I haven't included the message. Well that's because I'll be fucked in the ass with a red-hot agave cactus if I can figure out what the message is. From their website I can't figure out what they are trying to accomplish.

They hate gays. That is clear.
They blame America's problems on the fact that there is homosexuality.
They say that America is doomed.
But they say that America is beyond saving.
All other religions are evil
In fact they do not seem to actually want to save anyone.

So...what in the name of Zeus's hairy, sweaty nut sack are they trying to do? Again I do not know. Their universal condemnation of anyone not a part of the WBC and lack of a desire to try and "save" the wicked leaves me to believe that the message is pure horse shit. Sure they may believe the things that they do, but in the end is that the real reason that they are doing this? It doesn't strike me as being true.

The KKK believe in what they believe in and they do their part to spread their message. In fact they have a clearly defined message of racial purity in America. Neo-Nazi's likewise have a similar message. Anti-Abortionists believe in the sanctity of life, Pro-Choice people believe in the right of a woman to choose. "Birthers" are convinced that President Obama is in office illegally and want him removed under the Constitutional laws regarding the President. PETA believes in not harming animals in any way, shape or form.

All these people and more have clearly defined agendas and goals that they would like to see (unobtainable as they may be) achieved. The WBC seems to just want to stand on a street corner and say how horrible the rest of America is. To me this is an indication that WBC is less about the message and more about getting the world to look at them and to notice them.

This is backed up by the fact that the WBC gets donation from other people who do not like Homosexuality all over the country. The WBC is raking the money in left and right. They'd have to be considering that they were wanting to protest the United Kingdom.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_baptist#Banned_from_entering_the_UK

Yes they were going to fly a protest group across the Atlantic and protest at a cost of $1500 (cheapest I could find) per person round trip. With that sort of expense, they have to be making some money somehow.

So I know that my step-children are upset that this group is being they way that they are. I know that you support the soldiers. I know that you were brought up to not hate anyone based on sex, race, religion, disability, or sexual orientation. I know you're upset that these people hate your Uncle Nax for being gay.

But being upset is what fuels them. What makes them keep on doing what they do. They want you mad. Because by being mad, they hope that you'll do something stupid that they can sue you for. Suing you and winning means that they make tons and tons of money. Suing you and losing means that they still get more media coverage and attention. They want you mad. That way you win.

I'm not mad. I am as calm as I have ever been about a subject. I do not like them, I do not agree with them and what they are doing is very distasteful to me. But I am not mad. If I could go tomorrow, I would just stand there calmly and be a shield. Being calm takes away one of their weapons.

And besides. Being calm when someone is being a douchewaffle only makes them mad. And if they're mad, then they they might make the mistake and we can sue them for a change.

And should anyone from the WBC read this, remember that the same rights that protect you doing what you do also protect me. I have the right to express my opinion. And this is just that, an opinion and nothing more. This is just a theory based what I've seen of your works, your actions and your website.

This is a Constitutionally protected expression of that opinion through Freedom of Speech. If this offends you, tough.

Westboro Baptist Church comes here.

http://somd.com/news/headlines/2010/12807.shtml

This, this is only 30-40 minutes up the road from us. They are going to LaPlata to protest yet another soldier's funeral, blaming all the evils in America on the fact that there is homosexuality. Something that has existed long before there has even been a nation calling itself "America".

Now I'd love to sit here and pick apart this group. I'd love to think of all the bad names that are circulating around in my mind right now. But unlike the scammers and the spammers that hit my e-mail inbox, I will not.

Mostly because that even the full force of my hatred and loathing would fall on deaf ears. And in fact, they would enjoy and welcome it. They use such hatred as fuel for their cause. Anyone who does not agree with them, is part of the rest of the "Godless heathens" that are causing the problem. They use such as reasons to sue people for daring to utilize the same rights of protest as they do.

If it wasn't for the fact that they likely consider masturbation a sin as well, I would think that they get off on it.

So I will just express my Constitutionally protected right to have an opinion and to express it publicly (you know, the same right you Westboro Baptists use) and say "You people are not Christians. You do not follow the teachings of Christ and in fact twist his words and his teachings to fit your own agenda. You have overstepped the bounds of decency, human kindness (you know that whole "Love thy neighbor" that was a commandment from God himself), and dignity. It is my sincerest and most heartfelt hope that one day you will learn how to be decent human beings. But until that day do not expect any kindness from me. One day you will lose a friend or a loved one. I will not protest your funeral. But neither will I offer any kindness towards you.

My wife is going to be going to stand in counter-protest and to be part of the human shield between the family and friends of the fallen soldier and this collection of hate mongers. If I had enough notice I'd be there as well. I'd have taken a leave day at work and been there with my wife and my friends.

Halloween and Haunted Houses

Ok, so you go to an amusement park that is advertising the Halloween Haunt (Kings Dominion in this case).

Key word...haunt.

They have many areas they call "Scare Zones"

Key word...scare

There are haunted attractions with clearly listed levels that they call "Fear Rating"

Key word...fear

So if you are the kind of person who has a really hard time with being scared and do not have the ability to control your actions when scared then why in the name of Zeus's sweaty nut-sack are you doing there?!?


Kings Dominion on Saturday night after they started up the haunt (7pm) had 50-plus incidents where someone got hurt as a result of someone getting scared. 31 of them involved the costumed actors getting injured. Including one poor soul in a costume that can only be best described as the Travelocity Gnome getting REALLY drunk in Vegas and sleeping with a troll. This would have been the love child. He jumps out of the fog and scares a woman who kicks the guy in the crotch very hard. For 45 minutes the security officers were talking to the guy in the costume and to the woman. In the end the County Sheriff's deputies were winding their way through the crowd towards the scene. For the woman and the assault I'm reasonably certain.

Another incident involved me. I was walking through the scare zone trying to catch up with my party that had managed to lose me in the fake fog. A costumed actor jumped out of the fog and a gaggle of girls ran stampeded past through me. I went ass over tea kettle as they shoved me aside over a hay bale. Knees aren't supposed to bend sideways are they? I caught myself before face-planting the asphalt but that tore some muscles in my left shoulder-blade area and so I'm in considerable pain.

Another incident involving me was in the Toxic Sludge haunted house area. Again, a gaggle of women were surrounding this one woman who was so scared that I am honestly amazed (and this is no exaggeration) did not piss herself in the terror. Preppy teenagers in horror movies being chased by weirdos with flesh masks and chainsaws can't act that scared. An actor jumped out and they pressed against the wall so hard that I was being crushed. As we're slowly heading towards the meat locker area (with lovely strobe lighting) again another actor jumped out and the woman in the middle pulled out enough supernatural strength to plow past her friends holding her, and past me. As she past me, she shoved me out of her way and slammed me face first into the wall. Result? Bump on the head, dizzy for a few minutes (although that may have been from waiting for the brain to reboot in a strobe light lit area) and a swelling right eye socket (not the socket itself...the eye was in no danger...but the tissue around the socket).

Again I have to ask. If you are so terrified of places like this, why go there? It's one thing to be a little scared and react to an actor with a start a scream and a giggle afterwards. It's one thing to jump when you're startled and then laugh that the joker "got you". But if your terror is so strong that you will lash out at people you fucking well know are costumed actors (and they announce it ALL THE TIME that they are costumed actors who will NOT TOUCH YOU)...should you really be there? Especially if you're going to beat the shit out of the college kids who are trying to make some extra money. If you are going to be that piss-your-pants scared...STAY HOME DUMBSHIT!

Thirty one poor actors were injured by people like that. Thirty one people were beaten up by people who paid money to be scared by them.

That's the part that really baffles the living fuck out of me. You know that this is their scary bit. You know that Halloween is the time traditionally for scary stuff. You go to the place that is going to run scary shit. You pay money to go and be scared. And then you punish the people who are doing the job that you paid them to do by kicking them in the crotch, punching them in the face, knocking them off of their stilts and stomping them when they are on the ground? Do you bitch-slap your mechanic when he replaces your brake pads? Do you nut-check your dentist when he x-ray's your teeth? Do you push your Cable TV installer down a flight of stairs when he hooks up your internet? Then why the fuck do people assault people who are hired to do what you paid the admission for them to do?

And people wonder about my tagline sometimes. "I never lost my faith in humanity. Can't lose what you never had right?"

You have got to be fugging kidding me.

I got this in my email. I'm not going to do my usual snarky comments the way I usually do for reasons that will be disclosed at the end. I don't want to spoil the surprise.

From:     Simon Timothy

Reply-To:     simontimothy@voila.fr

Subject:     PLEASE CONTACT MY ATTORNEY FOR MORE DETAILS.

Date:     Fri, 22 Oct 2010 12:20:43 GMT (08:20 EDT)

Hello

I pray that this email reaches you in the best of health. This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. The message could be strange but it's real and you will realise this if you pay some attention to it. I want to notify you about it at least for the sake of your integrity.

My name is Major Simon timothy, a direct and only remaining member of the wealthy Timothy's family. I am an astronaut with the Burkina Faso Air Force and on loan to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).

In 2003 I left earth aboard the Mars Rover, Spirit. Seven months later I arrived on Mars. Prior to departing earth, I deposited the amount of US$ 11,600,000 (Eleven million, six hundred thousand United States dollars) in four safety galvanized boxes in a European financial institution which will be disclosed to you upon your acceptance of my proposal.

Last year, during the course of my research on Mars, I was ambushed by a group of anal-dwelling rebel Martians who inflicted great torturous pain upon my body with anal probes. After a few weeks of enduring the physical pain, they released me. As a direct result of this cruelty, I am now very ill with a ruptured uterus that has defiled all forms of medical treatment and which has been deemed to be inoperable by my Martian surgeons. I am writing this mail to you on a laptop from my hospital bed in the Martian capitol of Zhwrong.

I now have but a few weeks to live and I am far too ill to endure the long and arduous journey back to my Burkina Faso home. Therefore I have decided to donate the bulk of my fortune to a church or charitable organisation that will utilize this money in the manner which I shall impart to you later. In return for your assistance, I shall authorise you to keep 30% of this fund for your trouble and aggravation plus an additional 10% to cover your expenses. 

You should contact my attorney in Ouagadougou immediately with your address and

Telephone number and he will give you his full contact information and guidance so that we can make arrangements as soon as possible.

CONTACT ADDRESS OF THE

ATTORNEY.HON. BARRISTER AKPARA KADIOGO.OFAKPARA

CHAMBERS.TELPHONE:  +22678235021 

FAX: + (226) 50014470

E-MAIL: akparaassociatechambers2@yahoo.com 

SINCERELY YOURS,

MAJOR SIMON TIMOTHY,

NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION

ELYSIUM VETERINARY INFIRMARY

ZHWRONG, MARS

NANO

Now the reason that I'm not going to give this my usual snarky comments is the simple fact that I wrote this. Yes, this work of fiction is something I sent out to a 419 scammer as a joke. My wife can attest to this as there is a rough draft of this on the desktop of her computer. Some asshole took my work of sarcastic parody of their poorly written scams and then started sending this out as if someone would would believe this.

Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that I love to use terms like "Anal-Dwelling" as a prefix to an insult to people that really honk me off. I refer to many as "Anal-Dwelling Twat Monkeys". I deliberately used the deadly injury of a ruptured uterus because coming from a guy (the name I used was Tenchi Misaki from the Tenchi Muyo Anime) a ruptured uterus was absurd.

Sort of like Larry the Cable Guy and his bit about how a female relative freaked out about a new medicine for testicular cancer that was advertised on the television. Said that she needed to call her doctor to see if she needed like the add told her to. Larry said something to the effect of "You need testiculars first."

Wow! So one of my replies and bits of humor came back and bit me in the ass. I'm amazed, astonished and baffled. Do they not know what a Martian is? Do they not know basic male/female anatomy?

The wife says that I ought to reply and ask them for a cut of the profits since I am the artist. I would do this if it was not for the fact that these people are being hunted by their government, I've seen a video from the BBC showing how they hunt down these people and arrest them. They'll close down a cyber cafe and take all the computer equipment (GAWD I'd love to dumpster dive that evidence locker after the trial is done...think of the beowulf cluster I could have). So I really do not want to attract the attention of the government. If I claim that I wrote this and try (even in jest) to collect money...I could end up in hot water. I'll go pretty far to laugh at their expense...but this is one area where I'll leave them alone. I'll claim the original letter, I'll claim that I wrote it, and I'll claim that they stole it for their nefarious plans.

There are limits to my madness.

Apple

Ok, so I dug my heels and was very narky about spending the cash on Apple branded products. Why spend $150 on a 16gb iPod when I can get other MP3 players for far cheaper? Then we broke down and bought one.

Ok, it was nice and the features were pretty spiffy. So we bought one for Kier as well. All well and good. There are accessories for the iPod and it is nice, light, compact, and rugged. Ok, it was worth it.

So our birthday comes around and we decide to splurge and get the iPhones as our upgrade phones. They were $99 each, but we wanted the nifty apps and other features. Yeah, they were awesome too.

Except mine stopped being awesome. The speaker would stop working so I wouldn't hear the ringtone of an incoming phone call unless I plugged in the headphones (which would play the sounds), jiggled the plug a bit, pressed a few buttons to get sounds to play, sacrifice small mammals to pagan gods, sell off my first born to the gypsies...

...oh wait. I don't have one of those and my wife's firstborn is too old to be sold to the gypsies. Damnit.

So I call apple care support. They give me some silly rigmarole about putting the plug in and out of the headphone jack while the phone is inverted 10 times. That didn't help.

So they told me to take the phone to the Apple Store and get a Genius Bar appointment. The Genius Bar is their help desk and product support. I'll do it and I'll drive to Annapolis...but I'm expecting that this is going to take an hour of begging for them to fix the problem that is intermittent and odds are won't occur when I get there.

So I go there and tell them the problem. They tell me that they want to check for a loose cable. None are found. I'm now thinking that I'm stuck with a lemon of a phone. Great. I'm looking at iPhone speakers that attach to the phone thinking that may be my only option for the next 2 years until they let me upgrade again.

10 minutes later they come out and tell me that there was nothing loose and that my problem may be one of two possibilities. One may be a firmware (software) glitch and that a factory restore could fix the issue. I told him that the Apple Care phone support already had me do that. He then said that well it's obviously hardware and that he is willing to replace the phone right there and then.

Really? 10 minutes to determine that and make sure that the customer is happy? Damn...that...that's good service.

So they come out with a new phone and he asks me if I made a backup of the phone before I came in. I said yes and since I had the laptop with me he showed me how to update the firmware to the most recent and how to restore my settings and apps. DAYUM! Not just good service...Damn Good Service.

So...now we're looking at the iPad. Sure it's going to cost a bit, but the things it offers makes it damn useful to us and we know that while the cost is a bit for something that is essentially a netbook, we know that we'll have good support if anything goes wrong with it.

So in a few short months...I went from an Apple indifferent, to an Apple Supporter.

Yeah, it's pricey, but it is the classic example of you get what you pay for. I paid a quality price and I got a quality product.

You ain't hearing me complaining.

Oh nice try you douche nozzle, nice @#$%ing try.

But I FUCKING RULE!

I play World of Warcraft for a while this afternoon before I have to take a nap before work. I have fun, fall short of level 40 and my epic land mount...but meh. Still had fun. So 7pm comes and I toddle off to bed.

11pm comes and I get up and get dressed for work, gather up my laptop and drive to work.

Boring stuff. Check messages, do routine checks of a few things, pull up my IssueTrak (what has repair orders assigned to me) see nothing Earth shattering and so I sit down to dinner and check my e-mail.

Holy Fucking Ass Crackers! Four Hundred and Eighty-three (483) messages from World Of Warcraft each telling me that my account had been broken into and that I need to verify my settings.

Well I know that something is up as Blizzard wouldn't spam me like that and that I have a very secure password that is not likely to be broken into.

Just a bit of a background. To figure out the number of possibilities on say a six-sided die. It's the number of possible outcomes (in this case 6). So there is a 1-in-6 chance of a given number to come up. Now you add a die and you want to know how likely you are to roll a pair of sixes. That's the possible outcomes of one die times the possible outcomes of the second die. So that's 6x6=36 or a 1-in-36 chance of rolling Box Cars. The coveted triple sixes for Dungeons and Dragons stats has odds of 6x6x6=216 or a 1-in-216 chance of getting an 18.

So when you see that guy with three 18's on his character sheet, either he has loaded dice, made up the stats, or used one of the alternative stat generation tactics.

Now, my password contains numbers (10 possibilities numbering from 0-9), letters (26 possibilities ranging from a-z) and special characters (32 possibilities including but not limited to !@#$%^&*()_+ ,etc etc)

S0...68 possibilities per character. Now you have 14 characters and that's 45,198,578,652,761,700,000,000,000 possible passwords that I could be using. So I rather doubt that someone got into my Blizzard.net account and into my game considering that it would take a PC about a billion years to crack (assuming that it had to run the whole series. It might get lucky and hit it in about 500 million years).

I logged on to Battle.net (the proper way and not through the fake link that they gave me) and I checked out the account. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I did see that they have the Battle.net Authenticator and a version for free as an iPhone app. Gee! Lucky I got an iPhone recently ain't it? So I get that set up and now not only does someone have to try and figure out my password, they have to figure out the 8-digit code that changes every 30 seconds.

Hack me now butt fucker!

Happy and secure in my WoW password and the fact that my Night Elf with 7k in gold is safe I go back to gmail and check my mail.

Wait a minute. There is a red indicator that there was an access to my account from Korea. THAT explains all the messages. And checking the math...my password is only 11 years secure for a PC to crack. However if they have multiple PC's or some Server Class machines it could go even quicker. Sonovabitch!

So I put a password on my e-mail that should take even longer to hack. It's again 14 characters, but now I've mixed in Capital Letters to the mix. So that's 26 lower case letters, 26 upper case letters, 10 numbers AND 32 characters. 4,205,231,901,698,740,000,000,000,000 possibilities or 564 Billion years to figure me out.

To quote Mark Hamil in his Cameo in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"
"Don't fuck with the Jedi Master, son."

Game over man, Game Over!

Yeah, I'm done. I've had it with Zinga and their games. Play for free they advertise, but the reality is that the games are not free. If you want to do anything nifty or cool, you have to pay to get the Horseshoes, Farmville Dollars, Fishville Sand Dollars, etc to be able to get those things.

"But what about all the stuff you can get from your friends? Can't you play for free if you have enough people to join and help you?" In a word "no". In more than one word, the truth lies in the fact that they make it damn near impossible to do any of the cool things even if you have a boat-load of friends.

Case in point...Farmville. I'm trying to make that beehive. I have about half of what I need to make the thing. I've been waiting on the kindness of others to get me what I need to finish the damn thing. I thought that people had just stopped giving me stuff. Truth of the matter is that they are still sending the stuff, but it NEVER GETS TO ME. I have my wife who plays and is a neighbor to me send me stuff. Never get notifications that it was sent. My Step-Daughter? Same thing. Nothing gets to me. I've sent stuff to them as well. Nothing get to them.

Frontiertown. Now here's an interesting twist. They give you quests. When the Independence Day stuff was around, you had to collect poop of varying types to make the saltpeter to make the fireworks. I needed the crap from the horses and mules. "Prairie Piles" I believe they were called. I harvested from my horses and mules. I harvested from my neighbors horses and mules. Late August I finally got the pile of shit needed to make the saltpeter. But while I was finally able to complete the quest, I was not able to get the second quest in the chain since the whole thing was over by that time. Oxen give off a number of collectible things. Rib-Eye steaks for one. Used to get them all the time. I get a quest where I need 4 of them and they are now harder to find than a fart in a jacuzzi.

At least MMORPGs like Everquest, Star Trek Online, World or Warcraft and the others are honest about it. Pay them the monthly fee and you can play and enjoy all the nifty things offered. Sure there are a few premium items that you have to recruit a friend for or pay a little extra money for, but they are few and far between. And even then they are rewards for doing things that help the parent company and don't spam the living flarn out of the e-mail boxes of all your friends and family members.

Here's an interesting article about how the people at Zynga manage to get us hooked on the games and manages to keep us drooling like Pavlov's dogs whenever we hear of the latest trinket or doodad.

Ooh! I love this. Here is something you can install to your favorite web browser to filter out all that goddamn Farmville, Mafia Wars, Zynga crap that floods your page and allows only the stuff that people actually take the time to post through. I just found this while looking for another interesting article to reference in this post. Just now in fact. It's called Fluff Busting Purity Cleaner and it works really nicely.

I can't find the article. It was on www.slashdot.org and it was about a "game" where you get to push a button once per day. If you get other people to be your friend you could push the button more than once a day. It was an article about a spoof that was satirizing the whole dynamic of the Zynga games and how you have to operate in order to play them.

But in the end, I'm done. I've had it. Sold off my fish so no one has to see them die, and I'm walking away. I'm not stopping the games. In fact you can't stop them. Once you play, you're in the system forever. But even if I could, I'd keep them active so people who still want to play can use me as a neighbor. To them I wish them all the luck in the world. Enjoy it if you can.

I however am done. And in the immortal words of PVT William Hudson from Aliens..."Game over man, Game over!"

You shouldn't be polite to those people.

So I'm stopping in a gas station/convenience store to get fuel for my hungry car and a snack for me to nosh on while I'm waiting for my car to have its fuel system cleaned (and boy it needed it). I walk back in and I'm approached by a woman who was there doing scratch-off lottery tickets when I went in and gave the money to authorize the pumps.

Let's back up here a little bit.

I came in and waited in line to get to the cashier. I said "Hi, could I get thirty on pump two please?" Which is just good manners and is something that I know that retail people like to hear. They do like to be treated with courtesy and respect, just as any other human being would. Woman behind the counter takes the money, authorizes the pump and I walk out saying "Thank you".

Back to the woman who approached me.

It would seem that my being polite to the cashiers offended this woman. She quasi-whispered (you know, in the way that is "supposed" to be private but the real intention is to be overheard) to me "You know, you shouldn't be so polite to those people. It's not our fault that they took jobs that require them to serve us."

Wow! The milk of human kindness there went really sour there didn't it.

So I say in my public speaking voice as I was getting the dollar that the pump owed me "So you feel that I should not be polite to those I feel beneath me?" She nods. "Well, that's certainly good to know. Thanks a lot you stuck-up bitch.", and then walked out.

People were actually applauding me.

Oh yeah...Bleed sexy fer daddy! fapfapfapfap

A new scammer. This one attempting to claim to know my family.

Yes I lied a bit, but if he can lie his ass off to me...so I can to him. After all, there is no real way either of us can verify each other's claims.

I am Barrister David Dinesh Mathew , an attorney at law. A deceased client of mine , that shares  the same last name as yours died as the result of a heart-related condition on March  12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family  in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia . And in the  record there is no known successor to this deposit of the deceased who died without a  will. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake.

I can be reached on (  philip5ca1981@gmail.com ) for more information. My late Client  has a deposit of Seventeen Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars ( US$ 17.500,000) left behind.

Best regards,

Barrister David Dinesh Mathew

Attorney AT Law

TEL: 011 601 72718538  or   +601 72718538

My reply...

Sir, I am going to have to call shenanigans on this...rather laughable story of yours.

To start off, there is the fact that you are showing two e-mail addresses. One which you claim to be yours, and one which you wish to me to contact you by. Neither of these is anything even remotely resembling your "real name" and both of these are at free e-mail providers. Neither of these fits what one would consider to be a "professional" address. Something like "DDMathew@[insert name of law firm here].com as an example.

Secondly, Let me tell you a little something about my family. We came from Ireland at the turn of the century. ALL of us. There are no members of my family left in Ireland at all. No one in my family moved to Sumatra. There were no members of my clan in Indonesia at the time of the disaster, nor at any point in history.

No one, never there, never will be.

Thirdly, We are a VERY close knit family. If there is someone with my last name, we know them. They are either a blood relation or a relation via marriage. So when someone is born, we all come and see. There are so many members of my family that the mother can hand the kid off to someone and it will take 72 hours before the kid comes back to his mothers arms. If someone dies we throw an Irish wake of such proportions that we often put the children of the local liquor stores through college from all the booze we buy.

So if someone drops of a heart attack, we'd know about it. If this "poor bastard" had an entire branch of our clan die out from under him, the rest of us would help him out. He. Would. Not. Have. Died. Alone.

No one in our family has died alone with the notable exception of one person back in WWII who was a Flying Tiger volunteer who was shot down over Rangoon and never seen again.

Finally, nice try you table-scrap pilfering grabass. I am not a moron like so many of my countrymen are. After all if they weren't this gullible, you would find other ways of making money. Perhaps something honest.

Hope you contract one of the many hemorrhagic fevers that plague your country (after all, most of these scams come from Africa and the likelyhood you are as well). The thought of you bleeding out of every pore in your body as you slowly slip into the madness of a fever induced deliruim will help me keep my erection when I masturbate tonight.

Yes I get off on the suffering of others. Especially scammers like you.

Tá m'árthach foluaineach lán d'eascanna

Tá m'árthach foluaineach lán d'eascanna


This is going to be my motto in the SCA now that I'm back. Yes it's in Irish Gaelic and yes it's hard to pronounce. And here's a kicker for you...It's a bit anachronistic.


So you know it's going to piss off a few SCAdians. You know, the ones that are period authenticity enthusiasts. We used to call them "Period Nazi's" until they started kvetching about it and saying that it was offensive.


By the way, no shit Sherlock. There was a reason you were offended. We wanted to offend you since you were so fucking obnoxious to us to start with. Offended? Good. Mission accomplished.


Anyway, why would I choose a motto that is anachronistic and well outside of period? Why should I make a banner to hang in my camp that has this motto that will undoubtedly attract the ire and loathing of those formerly known as "Period Nazi's"?


Because the motto exists to remind me that above all, that the SCA must remain fun. It reminds me that there are many different levels of participation in the SCA. That there are the weekend warriors who come out for the fun of clubbing their enemies like baby harp seals and sharing a drink with them while telling many great lies of battle. That there are the ones who play because they want to learn about an art or a science that existed in the middle ages. That there are people who want to live the life as authentically as possible (and not be the Period Nazi douchwaffles that I complain about on a regular basis). 


It is there to remind me that Society Politics are something to be avoided. That if I run afoul of people who really trip my "Bad Vibes" alarm, I should avoid them before I get embroiled in their world of snide remarks, rumor spreading, hateful comments and back-stabbing.


Yes this will be my motto. It will be on my banners at my encampments. It will be proudly displayed in all of my correspondence. Anyone who wishes to hang out with me at events and sit under my banner will have the motto explained to them and will be asked to follow what it stands for.


What does it say you are now no doubt wondering? What is the message that these Gaelic words spread to the world at large?


It says, "My hovercraft is full of eels."


Need more of an explanation? Watch this. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6D1YI-41ao