Damn. Can't even rent a house without attracting these scam-tards

Ok, you never really answered my question about the place. Secondly, I ran google maps to see where the place is and the funny thing is that...well...Google Maps came up with the same home as an available rental property.

The further problem is that the property is managed by [name withheld] of Remax and that the house in question rents for $1,395 per month.

This flags your e-mail as a scam to me. That and the fact that instead of answering my questions, you gave me a massively long sob story. In fact...your reply reads very much like a Nigerian Scam story in both cadence (pattern and rhythm) and in the phenomenally  poor punctuation and grammar.

Let's dissect this shall we?

On Mon, Mar 22, 2010 at 7:54 AM, Robert Miller  wrote:

Hello,

First of all, there is the hosanna.net address. You claim to be in the UK, but your address comes up in whois as being from Korea. This would explain the poor punctuation and grammar as it is very similar to the in-game scams that keep popping up on World of Warcraft (which also come in from Korea). If you claim to be in the UK, then by god USE an address in the UK. Or just as believable, use a gmail address and say that you're using it since you (in story) were from the US in the first place.

 

Thank  you very much for the reply and interest in my home. I am the owner of the home you are making inquiry of. Actually I resided in the home with my wife before and presently we had packed out of the home due to my recent transfer from our company and now situated in the united kingdom.I am a welder under ship building,I worked with Nassco ship building Company,but I have a job appointment with BVT Surface Fleet Limited you can view our site at www.bvtsurfacefleet.com . And presently we want to give out our house for rent to a clean and tidy person.

Having a friend who works at BAE systems (where that link redirects us to), I know that they need electronics, computer, and programming majors (as well as other white collar work). Welders wouldn't be hired by BAE Systems but by the ship builders. 

I do have to give you credit for at least picking a company IN the area. Good job there.

 

Our home is available now for rent at $800 with a security deposit of $800 including all the Utilities like electricity, Hydro washer, warmer, Gas, internet connection etc. I want to let you know that money is not our problem but what we are looking for is absolute care of the home when you pack into the home. We are looking out for someone that can always keep the home clean and tidy.So please I want you to stand on the agreement you will make with us.

No one in the US uses Hydro Washer or Warmer as terms to describe Water and Sewer and heating. Learn not only the language, but the lingo as well please. You'll not raise the red flags on my finely tuned and calibrated bullshit detector.

 

We are kind and honest people,we don't like disappointing people and we don't want anyone to disappoint me.We spent a lot on our house that we want to give to you for rent.It is very close to Parks and Shopping.

Again, your lack of understanding the Southern Maryland culture shows through.  Around here, parks are of limited interest to us. And you're close, but not very close. Very close would be in Lexington Park/California and not 20 minutes outside of it.  And before you claim otherwise, I commute from California to my home and go past there every day. I know it's 20 minutes.

Oh and thanks for the "kind and honest people" remark. I haven't laughed so hard since the CNN article about the gaming addicted couple in Korea who let their little baby die of neglect and starvation all because they were too busy playing with their virtual baby on an online game.

Ah, good times, good times.

What really happened is this, we are not giving the home out for rent just because of money but because of our recent work to UK.So we will solicit for your absolute maintenance of our house. We want you to treat it as yours when you move in, I hope this is very clear to you? I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that we will be glad to see it neat and clean whenever we visit the country.

Solicit? You're supposed to be from Southern Maryland. You just moved to the UK and you've already gone native. I thought that takes at least a year.

And "glad to see it neat and clean?" Are you unaware that in this country (probably are since you're most likely Korean) that the landlord/lady of a property has no right to enter the dwelling when it is renter occupied unless the renter agrees to it? So unless you were planning on Breaking and Entering (which you aren't since you neither own the property nor even plan on entering the US), you ain't coming in to see it neat and clean.

 

I want to let you know that there is no one there in the state to show you the inside of the house as the keys and all documents of the house are here with us and we shall get it shipped to you via FEDEX or DHL Courier Service as soon as you are ready to move in
You can go check out the house and the neighborhood from the outside and get back to me if you really like it for more information.I will also send some of the pictures to you in my next email.The physical address is [address withheld to protect the real owners of the property].

As the REAL owners of the property have done, anyone who doesn't have the time or ability to show off a property uses a real estate company. In this case Remax. What you would be doing (if you weren't trying to scam my ass) is risking someone scamming your ass. Did you know (oh right...Korean...nevermind). It's very hard to get someone out of a house even if they're in illegally. Squater's Rights is something we have in this country and it is a living, cringe-making hell to get someone out.

 

So i solicit for your absolute maintenance of our house. We want you to treat it as yours when you move in, I hope this is very clear to you? It's not all about the money but I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that we will be glad to see it neat and clean when ever we visit the country.

You're repeating yourself word for word. Almost like you did a cut-and-paste in creating a form letter for the purposes of scamming.

Funny that.

 

You can stay in the house as long as you wish because we already own another house here in UK and will buy a house in USA before we return.I also want you to let me have trust in you as I always stand on my words. You can email me back for further discussion .

Feel free to trust in me. You can trust in the fact that I'm too goddamn smart to fall for these scams. You can trust in the fact that I am cynical and sarcastic. You can trust that I'm posting this conversation on my blog for all my friends to see. You can trust that they will laugh and point at you and your idiocy. You can trust that they'll call me up and complement me on flaming yet another scam-tard. You can trust that I'll use my blog's functions and one day print out this story (as well as all the others) so  I can create a coffee table book to share with even more people.

You can trust me